AuthorTopic: Mechanical Zombie Nomads  (Read 490 times)

Offline David B.

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2017, 08:13:15 AM »
A little much for the situation at hand but I get your point. Everyone has their own line in the sand. I'm quite enjoying "Shrinking the technosphere" these days.  It has me pondering my own digital presence and how I spend my time.  Uhg topic drift again.  Sorry LD good luck at trucking school.
If its important then try something, fail, disect, learn from it, try again, and again and again until it kills you or you succeed.

Offline RE

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #16 on: September 20, 2017, 10:41:58 AM »
A little much for the situation at hand but I get your point. Everyone has their own line in the sand. I'm quite enjoying "Shrinking the technosphere" these days.  It has me pondering my own digital presence and how I spend my time.  Uhg topic drift again.  Sorry LD good luck at trucking school.

You have nothing to worry about DB.  The most controversial thing you ever say is "cheers". lol.

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Offline luciddreams

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Agnostic Druid Buddhist Trucker Musings
« Reply #17 on: September 27, 2017, 02:03:31 AM »


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Published on The Doomstead Diner September 27, 2017






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While playing shakuhachi flute in my third story hotel room in Gary Indiana, I look outside the window to see what could easily be a confusing dream.  Mostly what I see is broken down industrial situations.  Industrial yards with tires stacked to the sky, 53' van trailers parked en mass, a polluted river, and a patch of some type of tall, bamboo looking, perennial grass that's in seed and blowing with the wind tucked into the middle of it all somehow.  Amidst the industrial ugliness, the weedy grass catches all of my attention.  It's beautiful blowing in the wind.  It's wild and natural.  It represents the unending ability of life to heal what we have done to the land and our environment.  It is patient, virile, and unceasing.  I blow into my bamboo flute, a flute made of grass, and I watch the weeds blow to the tune of natures unending endurance.  I'm inside of a literal box constructed by my civilization, and I'm here by my own supposed free will.  Once again I'm in compliance and willingly submitting to the assimilation that has us all marching to a likely dystopian destruction.  I'm reminded of the time, days after 9/11, when I was staring out at the Arabian Sea from the U.S.S. Carl Vinson on a smoke break.  I was living in a prison due to my own willing participation.  It was a prison that makes this way of life a possibility.  It was the beginning of the war in Afghanistan.  It was Merika's first response to the terrorism that took down the twin towers in New York city.  It was dark outside, as I stared at the ocean, as we steamed around in the middle of the Arabian sea dropping bombs and firing missiles at a nomadic peoples who mostly had no idea why.





   Now, 16 years later, I'm half way through a 4 week truck driving school.  25% of my days are spent either backing the truck and trailer on the range, or driving on the road.  The other 75% is spent waiting for my turn to back on the range or drive the truck on the road.  I've got another week and some change before I test for the CDL.  At this point I'm pretty confident that I could pass the remaining skills test and acquire the CDL, but the remaining practice will help me be even more confident come test day.  After I get the CDL I'll have a few days of load securement training.  This training is required because I will be pulling a flatbed trailer.  After that it will be approximately three weeks over the road with a trainer, a driving test at headquarters, and then I get assigned to a truck and hit the road to make the big bucks, and once again I'm supporting this Merikan way of life.





http://www.rosedaletech.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/cdl_students.jpg   The big bucks being approximately 40-50k for the first year depending on my performance and freight availability.  In the worst case I will make more money than I have ever made before.  In my final year with EMS, after eight years on an ambulance working as an EMT, I made 29k.  That is also about what I made while in the Navy working as a nuclear engineer on an aircraft carrier.  The best I could do on my own, running a landscaping business, was 28k.  Have I made the right decision coming here to Indiana to acquire a CDL and drive a truck for a living?  Clearly, if my financial life is to be the yard stick by which the decision is measured, I have made the right decision (do people even use yard sticks any longer?).  Worst case I make 10k more next year then I've ever made in a year. In the best case I make 20k more.  Of course this worst/best case scenario depends on BAU's continuance.  Are finances finally what life in our modern civilization is all about?  Unfortunately, depending on how you look at this situation, I may end up much worse off by trying to get more money…for my family of course.  I could care less about money or acquiring things.  I'm doing this to provide for my wife and two sons because that is what a husband and father must first do in our modern society.





   To demonstrate how completely insane my choices are, I'm going to break my previous financial situation down.  My previous financial situation was the product of a strategy I was employing in an attempt to leave the Matrix behind.  I'll quickly recap that strategy and some of the events and insights which lead up to it, and then I'll explain what went wrong and how I came to abandon that strategy to end up here in Gary Indiana training to end up as an Agnostic Druid Buddhist Trucker.  Much like the civilization I'm a product of, I am the unadulterated embodiment of paradox.





   In 2011 I came to the end of my EMT rope.  I burned out dealing with body decomposition, dead babies, bodily fluids, communicable diseases, psychotics, crack heads, psychotic crack heads, federal government meddling, and big wealth care corporate bullshit.  I endured all of that so that I couldn't afford my meager home owner lifestyle.  I had just become a father the year before, and my wife's business had gone down the crapper in the aftermath of 2008.  Due to new government standards which pertained to EMT certification, I was going to be getting demoted from EMT Intermediate to EMT basic, and that meant I'd be loosing the ability to perform skills I had mastered to help save an occasional life.





https://photos.smugmug.com/1009196674_mTwCW-M.jpg   I had been collapse aware for about 4 years.  In the aftermath of the 2008 fiasco, it looked as though our society was living on borrowed time.  It looked to me like BAU's days were rapidly coming to an end.  I had been gardening organically since 2007, and I was ready to take it up a notch with respect to preparing for the collapse of industrial civilization.  Permaculture had pinged on my radar as the best possible solution, and there was nothing I knew of which seemed more important with respect to the future.  I had tried a fukitol regimen in an attempt to keep my job and sanity in tact, and it had failed.  I was dizzy with the centripetal force brought on by societal expectations within the BAU cage  on the one hand, and the cognitive dissonance that attempting to push against that force was causing on the other.  I was literally within days of self destructing in a violent outburst directed towards the corporate BAU normality trap I was in.  What was the point in continuing to fight for a place in a civilization that was doomed?  I had day visions of destroying my ambulance in a fit of rage.  My time as an EMT had come to an end, but I had a wife and a baby and a mortgage.





   Just before my likely self destruction, another option was presented to me.  My wife's aunt offered us a home.  We could live with her rent free, and I would be free to pursue permaculture training.  I would have 1.6 acres of land at my disposal, with the possibility of 8 more acres to create a permaculture haven on.  The timing could not have been better.  This was a viable escape from the Matrix…I thought.  I had met my wife's aunt once or twice in the past years during the holidays, but I new nothing of her.  I won't go into the specifics of the following five years.  For those who are reading this and do not know that story, it's documented at my blog Epiphany Now under the title of the Whoville Chronicles.  The idea was to “collapse now and avoid the rush.”  It was a way to get out from beneath the crushing weight of a mortgage and the litany of BAU responsibilities.  Living with family seemed to me to be the wave of the future.  As BAU continued on it's downward trajectory, and as my personal economics continued on it's steep decline, I gathered that evading the responsibilities that come with a home and all that's entailed in maintaining one could possibly be a good idea.  As it turns out it was not a good idea.  I was escaping one trap to jump right into another one.  There is no escape from BAU for a family man.  For those who know my story, you know the wild ride I got onto with my “escape from the Matrix.”  I woke up from one nightmare to fall back asleep into another one.





http://img-aws.ehowcdn.com/638x318/photos.demandstudios.com/getty/article/165/28/78631175_XS.jpg   Ironically, while I was working as a medic,  I learned that in most cases it's family that one needs to worry about most.  Family will mess you up faster than strangers will.  Family is not a choice we make because we are born into it, and in this country there's a very good chance that your family will be dysfunctional due to the insane arrangement society has proffered to us.  We have made an unnatural world that comes complete with unnatural stresses.  A healthy psyche buckles under the weight, and psychological abuse abounds from generation to generation.  We have inherited a cycle of abuse and depression that is perpetuated from generation to generation.  Escaping the resultant psychotic normality can become next to impossible, and the majority become assimilated.  The majority fight off this unnatural state of affairs with cheap beer, fukitol, cigarettes, television, illegal drugs, and fast genetically modified convenience “food.”  Each year our personal and collective cancers grow bigger.





    Practicing permaculture on land that belongs to someone else sounds like a good choice, but it's mostly not.  Permaculture is anti-BAU.  Permaculture is about sustainability and relationships.  It's about providing for our own needs by engaging with nature via sustainable pathways that result in food, fuel, fiber, and medicine.  It's about being good stewards to the land that sustains us.  It's about creating a culture that will work when petroleum energy is no longer available.  Many concessions must be met in the interim from now to that future.  It requires community, but we are all too busy working to pay bills to have time for community.  Rent, utilities, car payments, car and medical insurance, food, clothing, gas, entertainment to dull the pain, and our money and time is all spent.





http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/05/08/article-2321263-19ADBEF7000005DC-423_634x352.jpg   I've looked for a way out of this conundrum that's brought on and required by the system.  We have a “home owner society” as W put it!  We have to put a roof over our children's heads, and we have to provide them with medical insurance, food, clothing, and money for extra curricular activities.  We want the best for our children, and so we must play the game to get that.  There are no wild lands left to escape to.  There is no longer a manifest destiny awaiting us to the west.  The only freedom left is a virtual one, and so we pay for the internet and the fictions therein.  The majority kid themselves waiting on the singularity, and in the meantime they accept new electronic gizmos that interact with the cloud the same as the gizmo before.  We're all waiting for Godot to show up and take us to the promised virtual heaven, and this while we no longer believe in the soul or a non-digital afterlife.





   Meanwhile the apocalypse manages to stay just around the corner.  Year after year, prophecy after prophecy, and somehow it never manages to arrive.  This fact doesn't stop the new prophets declaring the end of times tomorrow.  Then there are the techno-prophets continually promising some digital singularity that will give us all a techno-immortality.  In the meantime we will have artificial intelligence that will make any kind of work for mankind unnecessary.  Robots will do all of the work while we busy ourselves watching flatscreens in our flatland littered with ticky tacky boxes.  They never quite get around to explaining how all 8 billion, and counting, of us will do this without money.  While we wait for this tecno-promised land we have bills and taxes to pay.  While we wait the robots make more and more jobs obsolete.  While we wait we become economic non-persons.  And during this waiting period our children get closer to their own adulthood, and we die with our techno utopian promises having never arrived.



 

 http://cdn.historycollection.co/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/new-jfk-assassination-nypost.jpg  Most people spend all of their time pretending that they know what is going on.  Most people invest all of their energy in fooling themselves, and they are so busy fooling themselves that they never notice that everyone else is doing the same thing.  Honesty, integrity, and self-respect are only around long enough to hit the hot bitumen of our failed way of life only to evaporate into nothingness.  Our circus president clowns around on national television.  He's the master fool fooling us all with his own foolery.  We get all distracted  with civil issues that JFK tried to settle for us over 50 years ago, before the system put a public bullet in his head, and his brothers head, and MLK's head.  Racial equality, gay rights, world peace…and on and on the circus goes.  Meanwhile we have no choice but to assimilate to the tomfoolery.





   Is our way of life doomed due to resource and energy constraints?  Are we destroying our planet with consumerism and the resultant pollution?  Is there a solution to an infinite growth paradigm on a finite planet?  Will the robots make all of our jobs obsolete?  Can Permaculture save us?  Will BAU ever change and give way to sanity, compassion, and economic equality?  Is climate change anthropogenic?  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  Mostly the path of least resistance will be taken, and that path is the track that the juggernaut of BAU is on.  BAU has so much mass that only an atomic bomb could possibly create a new course.  That may well be the case.  An atomic bomb, an atomic hurricane, an atomic tsunami, an atomic earth quake, an atomic volcano, or maybe just BAU's normal atomic psychotic continuance.



 

   In the meantime, while we are all waiting and wondering what to do next, this strange reality continues.  While that reality continues our loved ones need things to continue living.  Those needs are mostly only met with money, and money is completely within the domain of BAU.  All of the solutions to BAU are rejected and castigated as utter nonsense, and the foolishness of a nation continues marching on into ridiculousness, and it's influence continues attempting to fold the rest of the world into it.  I think it's possible that the TEOTWAWKI has already happened and nobody noticed it.  It was likely a spiritual apocalypse, and we were all too busy fooling ourselves to notice.  What's left?  Bills are left, and they must be paid…with money.  The new reality is the same as the old.  We have to afford to be the change we want to see in this godless world.  That's why an Agnostic Druid Buddhist Trucker exists.  That's why I'm 700 miles away from my family, playing a shakuhachi flute, and starring at a small patch of perennial weeds that are surrounded by failed industrial promises.



https://i.pinimg.com/originals/9f/41/70/9f4170e1f71258c03ce3a63c81dfb3f3.jpg



Offline David B.

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #18 on: September 27, 2017, 09:31:34 AM »
Beautifully written Lucid.  It captures well many of my own feelings about knowing the game is in its death throws but having to play it anyways.
David B.
If its important then try something, fail, disect, learn from it, try again, and again and again until it kills you or you succeed.

Offline luciddreams

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God the Absent Father
« Reply #19 on: October 04, 2017, 02:04:36 AM »


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   What an unfortunate mess the world has become!  Is it possible that it's always been a mess?  What is humanity doing?  I'll admit that I'm becoming more nihilistic by the day.  At this point the only thing keeping me from being a nihilist is the desire to not be a nihilist.  That's hardly a defense against nihilism though, and I'm completely aware of that fact.  I think this is what a midlife crisis looks like, but then I can't sort through that because the outer world is such a cesspit that it makes my issues opaque by comparison.  Love, compassion, altruism, wholesomeness, personal integrity, and then there is this monstrous reality to inhabit and engage with.  Here I am, willingly driving a semi truck, for money, and no other reason. 

   

      When I started my career with EMS it was for several reasons.  The most important reason was that I saw nothing about it that was morally repugnant.  It was something that I viewed was necessary for society.  It was an invaluable job that must be performed to keep society functioning.  Corporate greed, federal government meddling, and micromanaged oversight, and the nature of people once tossed off of the Merikan dream, and it all coalesced into a brew of disgust I could no longer manage.  Patients became customers and people abused the very fallible system. 

   

  http://stevespak.com/spak/ems/pin1.jpg    I was also curious about death and human tragedy.  The writer in me wanted a deeper glimpse into the human condition.  I wanted the ability to study my fellow man under the most intense of circumstances.  High tragedy strips us of our superficial characteristics and leaves us honest and naked.  Death is the great equalizer.  It didn't matter how wealthy or poor a person was when they were staring death in the face.  It was more then that for me though.  I wanted to see death in all of its forms.  I wanted to see body decomposition, decapitation, dead babies, and wailing loved ones.  I wanted to tell people that their loved one was dead so that I could see them in their pure state.  In so doing, I hoped that I would somehow get a glimpse into truth.  I called to death and offered him my friendship, and I asked for his approval.  He gave me his approval, and he assured me that I too would die one day. 

   

     After bombing Afghanistan I was also looking for redemption.  Aside from my macabre curiosity about our condition, I felt that I had a karmic debt to repay.  I felt that helping people in their lowest place might somehow add some positive karmic credit to my account.  I was motivated by the need for redemption, something interesting to write about, and final truth about what it means to be human.  I was on a quest for God.  In the end I was disgusted by humanity, and then by my own lack of it, and then by God.  To survive the job I had to shred off a lot of humanity.  I laughed at the human tragedy, and finally I became afraid and ashamed for who I had become.  I'd go home to fill my lungs with smoke and my belly with liquor…to forget what I had just witnessed.  Finally, I wanted to rot with the dead bodies I befriended on a daily basis.  And what of the people?  Where did their consciousness go?  I would stare into the eyes of the dead, and they would star back with their blankness…and then I would write a report about it for the corporation. 

   

     I left the war machine to witness the daily death of humanity.  I left the death of humanity seeking yet more redemption.  I took refuge in nature.  My religion became permaculture, and I called it Druidry.   For a while I believed in what I was doing.  I believed that I had finally arrived at an answer to this struggle that is humanity.  To live we must eat.  Nature provides the materials we need to live.  This should be managed responsibly and sustainably.  We owe life more then consumer trash heap mountains and single serving convenience.  We owe life more then cheapening it as a matter of societal protocol.  We owe ourselves more then mental masturbation projected onto a digital screen of failure. 

   

     Is there a God?  Are there many gods…goddesses…are we just fooling ourselves with this consciousness?  Was this all created?  Is it just a big bang that has no meaning?  Is it all just chemical reactions determined by the laws of physics set in motion by a cosmic quark…an accident?  I remain in an in-between.  I remain in a spiritual purgatory.  I remain in the truth.  I'm an agnostic atheistic polytheist, a contradiction, and yet I believe in life beyond the meat suit…and not a digital one either.  Fuck the singularity…talk about mental masturbation and gargantuan narcissism!  I don't know if there is a point beyond life.  We are here observing.  Why?  Are we being observed?  If we are, then what of it?  If we're created and being observed then we're nothing more then a cosmic netflix, and for no reason other then entertainment.  We strive to be comfortably entertained and pleasured.  We strive to possess things, to be happy, and for no reason.  Meanwhile, as a society we die, and rot, and shit all over natural beauty.

   

      I'll hook up to a 48 foot flat bed trailer and pull it around the country for money.  I'll deliver loads of building supplies.  This will keep our society functioning dysfunctionally, and I'll do it for money so that I can provide my family with what they need.  I'll literally live in a machine.  It will be my house, my livelihood, and a lifeline for my children to breath smoke in this industrial dystopia.  I'll burn hundreds of gallons of diesel every week to deliver these loads that will continue building Merika into the death machine that it's always been.  I'll live in the heart of our death machine…literally.  I'm doing it for money, and yet maybe there is a deeper meaning to this? 

   

     My first day driving a tractor trailer was synchronistic.  The radio was on, and barely audible, as I took the driver seat on the range at this truck driving school.  I started driving, learning to double clutch, learning how much space this massive machine needs to function safely on the road.  U2's Pride came on the radio, and that was a supremely synchronistic moment.  U2 is tatooed on my chest, just above my heart.  Why?  When I was a child, I longed for my father, and he was away driving a tractor trailer all around North Merika.  My mother and father divorced when I was 4, and I only saw him on rare occasions, maybe once a year, for a week at a time.  My childhood was spent longing to be with my father, and on the rare occasions that I saw him it was to go over the road in his tractor.  I have a very lucid memory of that first trip with him.  I got into the truck and U2 was blaring on the radio.  The Unforgettable Fire  was blasting from the speakers of his semi truck, the album that Pride is on.  Now, 30 years later, I'm driving a tractor trailer for the first time and U2 comes on the radio.  I'm instantly transported to 30 years ago.  I'm driving this tractor for my sons, and I'm away from them, and they are longing to see me.  What does this strange twist of fate mean?  Does it mean anything?  Is it just random in it's apparent meaning?  Is all of life a complicated paradox? 

   

      Before I came out here to train to be a truck driver I called my father.  It had been a few years since we went no contact.  I had to call him several times before he finally picked up.  I talked, and he was mostly not interested.  I was drunk and looking for validation.  The next day I felt cheap for having called him.  I felt the most masochistic I have ever felt.  It was pointless to reach out to him for validation.  Yet there is that part of me that has been looking for his approval, and that part of me is a part of all of us.  That part of me is why God was created by man…not the other way around.  We created God and then we killed him. 

   

      Our way of life is collapsing even as it lives.  We grow up and continue declaring business as usual for money.  We can change, but we won't.  We will continue burning nature down for convenience.  We will continue delivering ourselves to death for money and soft convenience.  We don't give ourselves the choice to heal.  It can be different, idealism is a real phenomenon, and it's also a waste of time.  Idealism is a waste of the vital energy we need to make money to pay the bills.  Idealism doesn't pay the bills, and it lives in a bong filtered through water and absorbed by the lungs.  If God is real then idealism is his sense of humor, but he's not real, and idealism is just a cruel joke designed by happenstance and ultimately a phantasm. 

   

     My final defense against nihilism is love, and at this point love is my religion.  Love is what is motivating me to drive a semi for money.  What a God joke this is.  My father drove a semi, and now I drive one.  I am not an atheist, I am not agnostic, I am not a Druid, I am not Buddhist, I am nothing but a husband and a father.  I am the truth, and spare me the judgmental finger pointing.  I am nothing, and so are you.  In a blink of time we all die.  I would like to be wrong in my assessment of this truth.  As depressing as this all sounds, I am not depressed.  I am relieved at the simplicity that my life has become.  I do not care about possessions.  I do not care about identity.  My life has been reduced down into a simple operating objective.  I am a provider, and I must provide within the parameters of this horrible mess we continue maintaining.  I want to reduce suffering for all sentient beings.  That starts with myself and goes to my wife and children.  My meditation is to watch this train wreck of a civilization happen.  I will tell my children the truth, and I will love them, and they will know my love, and I will provide them with manna.  In the name of love…I drive a truck…just as my father did.  What a tragic comedy this life is.  And somehow, even amidst the decay and rot of flesh, love can flourish.  Somehow there is meaning to the suffering.  In the name of love I drive a truck!  What irony.  Still, even fighting off nihilism on a daily basis, I am awe struck by this mysterious meaning.  Maybe the point of existence is just to create meaning via love? 



"Pride (In The Name Of Love)"

One man come in the name of love

One man come and go

One man come, he to justify

One man to overthrow



 



 



In the name of love

What more in the name of love

In the name of love

What more in the name of love



One man caught on a barbed wire fence

One man he resist

One man washed on an empty beach.

One man betrayed with a kiss



In the name of love

What more in the name of love

In the name of love

What more in the name of love



(nobody like you…)



Early morning, April 4

Shot rings out in the Memphis sky

Free at last, they took your life

They could not take your pride



In the name of love

What more in the name of love

In the name of love

What more in the name of love

In the name of love

What more in the name of love…




Offline Golden Oxen

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Re: God the Absent Father
« Reply #20 on: October 04, 2017, 05:04:08 AM »
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<p>
   


      What an unfortunate mess the world has become!  Is it possible that it's always been a mess?  What is humanity doing?  I'll admit that I'm becoming more nihilistic by the day.  At this point the only thing keeping me from being a nihilist is the desire to not be a nihilist.  That's hardly a defense against nihilism though, and I'm completely aware of that fact.  I think this is what a midlife crisis looks like, but then I can't sort through that because the outer world is such a cesspit that it makes my issues opaque by comparison.  Love, compassion, altruism, wholesomeness, personal integrity, and then there is this monstrous reality to inhabit and engage with.  Here I am, willingly driving a semi truck, for money, and no other reason.


      


         When I started my career with EMS it was for several reasons.  The most important reason was that I saw nothing about it that was morally repugnant.  It was something that I viewed was necessary for society.  It was an invaluable job that must be performed to keep society functioning.  Corporate greed, federal government meddling, and micromanaged oversight, and the nature of people once tossed off of the Merikan dream, and it all coalesced into a brew of disgust I could no longer manage.  Patients became customers and people abused the very fallible system.


      


     <img alt="http://stevespak.com/spak/ems/pin1.jpg" src="http://stevespak.com/spak/ems/pin1.jpg" style="float: right;" />    I was also curious about death and human tragedy.  The writer in me wanted a deeper glimpse into the human condition.  I wanted the ability to study my fellow man under the most intense of circumstances.  High tragedy strips us of our superficial characteristics and leaves us honest and naked.  Death is the great equalizer.  It didn't matter how wealthy or poor a person was when they were staring death in the face.  It was more then that for me though.  I wanted to see death in all of its forms.  I wanted to see body decomposition, decapitation, dead babies, and wailing loved ones.  I wanted to tell people that their loved one was dead so that I could see them in their pure state.  In so doing, I hoped that I would somehow get a glimpse into truth.  I called to death and offered him my friendship, and I asked for his approval.  He gave me his approval, and he assured me that I too would die one day.


      


        After bombing Afghanistan I was also looking for redemption.  Aside from my macabre curiosity about our condition, I felt that I had a karmic debt to repay.  I felt that helping people in their lowest place might somehow add some positive karmic credit to my account.  I was motivated by the need for redemption, something interesting to write about, and final truth about what it means to be human.  I was on a quest for God.  In the end I was disgusted by humanity, and then by my own lack of it, and then by God.  To survive the job I had to shred off a lot of humanity.  I laughed at the human tragedy, and finally I became afraid and ashamed for who I had become.  I'd go home to fill my lungs with smoke and my belly with liquor…to forget what I had just witnessed.  Finally, I wanted to rot with the dead bodies I befriended on a daily basis.  And what of the people?  Where did their consciousness go?  I would stare into the eyes of the dead, and they would star back with their blankness…and then I would write a report about it for the corporation.


      


        I left the war machine to witness the daily death of humanity.  I left the death of humanity seeking yet more redemption.  I took refuge in nature.  My religion became permaculture, and I called it Druidry.   For a while I believed in what I was doing.  I believed that I had finally arrived at an answer to this struggle that is humanity.  To live we must eat.  Nature provides the materials we need to live.  This should be managed responsibly and sustainably.  We owe life more then consumer trash heap mountains and single serving convenience.  We owe life more then cheapening it as a matter of societal protocol.  We owe ourselves more then mental masturbation projected onto a digital screen of failure.


      


        Is there a God?  Are there many gods…goddesses…are we just fooling ourselves with this consciousness?  Was this all created?  Is it just a big bang that has no meaning?  Is it all just chemical reactions determined by the laws of physics set in motion by a cosmic quark…an accident?  I remain in an in-between.  I remain in a spiritual purgatory.  I remain in the truth.  I'm an agnostic atheistic polytheist, a contradiction, and yet I believe in life beyond the meat suit…and not a digital one either.  Fuck the singularity…talk about mental masturbation and gargantuan narcissism!  I don't know if there is a point beyond life.  We are here observing.  Why?  Are we being observed?  If we are, then what of it?  If we're created and being observed then we're nothing more then a cosmic netflix, and for no reason other then entertainment.  We strive to be comfortably entertained and pleasured.  We strive to possess things, to be happy, and for no reason.  Meanwhile, as a society we die, and rot, and shit all over natural beauty.


      


         I'll hook up to a 48 foot flat bed trailer and pull it around the country for money.  I'll deliver loads of building supplies.  This will keep our society functioning dysfunctionally, and I'll do it for money so that I can provide my family with what they need.  I'll literally live in a machine.  It will be my house, my livelihood, and a lifeline for my children to breath smoke in this industrial dystopia.  I'll burn hundreds of gallons of diesel every week to deliver these loads that will continue building Merika into the death machine that it's always been.  I'll live in the heart of our death machine…literally.  I'm doing it for money, and yet maybe there is a deeper meaning to this?


      


   <img alt="" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-36618" height="201" src="http://www.doomsteaddiner.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/absent-father-sm_nita9m-300x201.jpg" width="300" srcset="http://www.doomsteaddiner.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/absent-father-sm_nita9m-300x201.jpg 300w, http://www.doomsteaddiner.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/absent-father-sm_nita9m.jpg 625w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />     My first day driving a tractor trailer was synchronistic.  The radio was on, and barely audible, as I took the driver seat on the range at this truck driving school.  I started driving, learning to double clutch, learning how much space this massive machine needs to function safely on the road.  U2's Pride came on the radio, and that was a supremely synchronistic moment. U2 is tatooed on my chest, just above my heart.  Why?  When I was a child, I longed for my father, and he was away driving a tractor trailer all around North Merika.  My mother and father divorced when I was 4, and I only saw him on rare occasions, maybe once a year, for a week at a time.  My childhood was spent longing to be with my father, and on the rare occasions that I saw him it was to go over the road in his tractor.  I have a very lucid memory of that first trip with him.  I got into the truck and U2 was blaring on the radio.  The Unforgettable Fire  was blasting from the speakers of his semi truck, the album that Pride is on.  Now, 30 years later, I'm driving a tractor trailer for the first time and U2 comes on the radio.  I'm instantly transported to 30 years ago.  I'm driving this tractor for my sons, and I'm away from them, and they are longing to see me.  What does this strange twist of fate mean?  Does it mean anything?  Is it just random in it's apparent meaning?  Is all of life a complicated paradox?


      


         Before I came out here to train to be a truck driver I called my father.  It had been a few years since we went no contact.  I had to call him several times before he finally picked up.  I talked, and he was mostly not interested.  I was drunk and looking for validation.  The next day I felt cheap for having called him.  I felt the most masochistic I have ever felt.  It was pointless to reach out to him for validation.  Yet there is that part of me that has been looking for his approval, and that part of me is a part of all of us. That part of me is why God was created by man…not the other way around.  We created God and then we killed him.


      


         Our way of life is collapsing even as it lives.  We grow up and continue declaring business as usual for money.  We can change, but we won't.  We will continue burning nature down for convenience.  We will continue delivering ourselves to death for money and soft convenience.  We don't give ourselves the choice to heal.  It can be different, idealism is a real phenomenon, and it's also a waste of time.  Idealism is a waste of the vital energy we need to make money to pay the bills.  Idealism doesn't pay the bills, and it lives in a bong filtered through water and absorbed by the lungs.  If God is real then idealism is his sense of humor, but he's not real, and idealism is just a cruel joke designed by happenstance and ultimately a phantasm.


      


        My final defense against nihilism is love, and at this point love is my religion.  Love is what is motivating me to drive a semi for money.  What a God joke this is.  My father drove a semi, and now I drive one. I am not an atheist, I am not agnostic, I am not a Druid, I am not Buddhist, I am nothing but a husband and a father.  I am the truth, and spare me the judgmental finger pointing.  I am nothing, and so are you.  In a blink of time we all die.  I would like to be wrong in my assessment of this truth.  As depressing as this all sounds, I am not depressed.  I am relieved at the simplicity that my life has become.  I do not care about possessions.  I do not care about identity.  My life has been reduced down into a simple operating objective.  I am a provider, and I must provide within the parameters of this horrible mess we continue maintaining.  I want to reduce suffering for all sentient beings.  That starts with myself and goes to my wife and children.  My meditation is to watch this train wreck of a civilization happen.  I will tell my children the truth, and I will love them, and they will know my love, and I will provide them with manna.  In the name of love…I drive a truck…just as my father did.  What a tragic comedy this life is.  And somehow, even amidst the decay and rot of flesh, love can flourish.  Somehow there is meaning to the suffering.  In the name of love I drive a truck!  What irony.  Still, even fighting off nihilism on a daily basis, I am awe struck by this mysterious meaning.  Maybe the point of existence is just to create meaning via love?
</p>
<div align="center">
   "Pride (In The Name Of Love)"


   One man come in the name of love


   One man come and go


   One man come, he to justify


   One man to overthrow</p>
<p>
      
   </p>
<p>
      In the name of love


      What more in the name of love


      In the name of love


      What more in the name of love
   </p>
<p>
      One man caught on a barbed wire fence


      One man he resist


      One man washed on an empty beach.


      One man betrayed with a kiss
   </p>
<p>
      In the name of love


      What more in the name of love


      In the name of love


      What more in the name of love
   </p>
<p>
      (nobody like you…)
   </p>
<p>
      Early morning, April 4


      Shot rings out in the Memphis sky


      Free at last, they took your life


      They could not take your pride
   </p>
<p>
      In the name of love


      What more in the name of love


      In the name of love


      What more in the name of love


      In the name of love


      What more in the name of love…
   </p>
</div>


Sorry about your father Lucid.

You will be an old man and grandfather so fast it will shock you, and this pain will all go away.

Enjoy your family and look took the future rather than dwell in the past.

We all have to deal with the hand we were dealt by fate.                                    GO

Offline Eddie

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #21 on: October 04, 2017, 07:07:48 AM »
Cosmic Netflix. I like that one.

My father lived at home with us, but he was mostly absent, working the night shift in a factory and often a second day job, slowly killing himself making money that he could never quite turn into anything really tangible. He's been gone now nearly 30 years, and the part I miss is the time I spent working with him on the farm, something I hated at the time. Go figure.

We all die and are made equal in death. Money is no longer an issue. The people we struggled to support find support somewhere else, from somebody else. It's the human condition. Life is a complete mystery to me. It can be joyous. It can be boring. It can be depressing as hell.

I'm grateful for having been able to experience a life with a little free time and enough money to to do a few things....travel, buy things that weren't necessities, give nice gifts to people I love. Climb a mountain. Sail an ocean. Watch my four kids get born.

I have never suffered much, physically or emotionally. But the money thing still hangs over me. How ever much you make, you can always spend more. The more productive you are, the more the tax man wants. Poor kids grow up with a hole in their heart they think money can fill, sometimes. Not likely.

The Biblical story of creation....the Garden of Eden? That's the story of the human condition. Everything we need is available in abundant supply in nature. But we have wrecked the planet trying to squeeze out enough to hoard and spend, and at the same time we've overshot the mark on numbers like a colony of E.Coli fed pure sugar.. More people.....squeeze out a little more juice, until there's nothing left but a pile of slag and garbage.

We fucked up badly somewhere. At least we can see that. That's our only redemption. Ask the universe for forgiveness and die laughing at the cosmic joke that is our struggle of an existence. Is that Nihilism? I don't think so.

Love does matter. Love is eternal.

Love as much as you can, and especially, try to find some love for that abandoned, beat-up, mixed-up kid that is inside you. He is worthy of love.

What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well.

Offline luciddreams

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Re: God the Absent Father
« Reply #22 on: October 04, 2017, 07:47:01 AM »


Sorry about your father Lucid.

You will be an old man and grandfather so fast it will shock you, and this pain will all go away.

Enjoy your family and look took the future rather than dwell in the past.

We all have to deal with the hand we were dealt by fate.                                    GO

Thanks Ox, glad to see you back around. 

I definitely look to the future now!  I've tried to live my life in such a way that I can just be content and satisfied with the present.  It's easy to think that the grass is greener, just over there, and if you can only get to there it will all be peachy.  Sometimes that is true, but mostly times it's not.  As soon as you get to the greener grass you normalize to it and it's not so green any longer.  Mostly happiness seems to be about your circumstances constantly improving...which drives the desire for more of whatever it is.  In our society, for most people, that's money.  We constantly need more of it to feed the monkey.  He eats it all up and wants more. 

The tricky part is that sometimes it really is greener in the other pasture.  I suppose the trick is knowing when that is, and then doing whatever is necessary to get to that place.  In the case of my family we can no longer live where we have been living.  Where we have been living is rent free.  The new circumstances meant that I had to make the money to provide a roof for my family.  I have to do that ASAP.  Enter driving a truck for a living.  I can make enough money to support my family as the soul provider by doing this. 

It's important to both my wife and I that our boys have their mother around as much as possible.  At least with this new arrangement they will have their mother free from the burden of working to make money.  I won't be around much, but they will have their mother and all of the material things that they need.  I make sure that they know that I love them every time I talk to them. 

Offline azozeo

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #23 on: October 04, 2017, 08:12:55 AM »
This life we lead here in 3D is a polarity. You can't have the good without the bad and so on.....

In the higher dimensions polarity is no more. Just is-ness. moment by moment.

We all sign up for this shit before hand to learn lessons.

60 to 85 years in a meat suit on a blue ball whistling through space & the continuum of Universe.
You can accomplish a lot of lessons in this density.

LD,
I know you're busy with school & licensing, but in the future, try to reach out to your higher self for guidance.
That nonsense of the Prime Directive is not true. Hands off, BAAAHHHHH.... 

Offline RE

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #24 on: October 04, 2017, 08:15:23 AM »
Love does matter. Love is eternal.

Love as much as you can, and especially, try to find some love for that abandoned, beat-up, mixed-up kid that is inside you. He is worthy of love.

I don't think love is that important or necessary for living.  The last person I loved in any sense was my mom, but she died in 2011.  The last person I loved in a one-on-one sense was Truckstop Waitress, and that was 20 years ago.  I do love my close friends, but that isn't the type of one-on-one love that is being talked about here.  In general, I find the one-on-one kind of love to be a burdensome responsibility, and I would rather live without it.  I don't even have a dog or cat to love, which a lot of older single people find helpful to have around as companions.

What you do need to live is to have a purpose.  Without a purpose, life becomes a meaningless exercise of eating, excreting and sleeping.  For most of my adult life, my purpose was teaching gymnastics.  In the last decade, my purpose has been to chronicle the Collapse of Industrial Civilization.  For LD, he has his purpose now of being a provider of money for his family by driving truck

On the Absent Father issue, my father was mostly absent my entire life although more so after the divorce.  In my earliest years when I try and recall the dinner table where I know we sat at every night because my mom was stay-at-home and dad worked a typical Man in the Gray Flannel Suit job, I can see my sister and my mom at the table, but not my dad.  After the divorce, while he was in NY he had court ordered visitation rights on weekends, but they were silly boring exercises where we went to a driving range or miniature golf course for a few hours and had a meal somewhere.  When he was stationed overseas, I would see more of him but he was always very emotionally detached.  In my late teens I wrote him a series of letters excoriating him for the way he treated both me and my mother after the divorce, and that pretty much ended any relationship I had with him.  I still did see him occssionally, but it was always very tense and uncomfortable.

However you were raised, at some point in your life you have to come to terms with it and not dwell on it, because it's in the past and you can't change the past.  You find your purpose for living, and then you live for that.

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Offline luciddreams

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #25 on: October 04, 2017, 08:21:42 AM »
Cosmic Netflix. I like that one.

My father lived at home with us, but he was mostly absent, working the night shift in a factory and often a second day job, slowly killing himself making money that he could never quite turn into anything really tangible. He's been gone now nearly 30 years, and the part I miss is the time I spent working with him on the farm, something I hated at the time. Go figure.

We all die and are made equal in death. Money is no longer an issue. The people we struggled to support find support somewhere else, from somebody else. It's the human condition. Life is a complete mystery to me. It can be joyous. It can be boring. It can be depressing as hell.

I've been thinking more about what would happen when I die.  I never understood life insurance until recently.  I've been considering bulking that plan up lately.  I'm doing this to provide for my family, but if I die I won't be here to do that, but it being the most important thing to me I now want to ensure I can do that even once I am cremated. 

Quote
I'm grateful for having been able to experience a life with a little free time and enough money to to do a few things....travel, buy things that weren't necessities, give nice gifts to people I love. Climb a mountain. Sail an ocean. Watch my four kids get born.

I have never suffered much, physically or emotionally. But the money thing still hangs over me. How ever much you make, you can always spend more. The more productive you are, the more the tax man wants. Poor kids grow up with a hole in their heart they think money can fill, sometimes. Not likely.

Yeah, money hangs over us all.  I say I'm doing this for money, but the truth is  more complicated then that.  I'm doing this to provide for my family, and that means providing a certain amount of money.  Society simplifies the duty of a father with this requirement.  When we get divorced the father has to pay child support and alimony?  Why is that?  It's the natural order of things.  A husband and a father, a good one, is more then just money, but he must ensure that the money part is fulfilled before he's free to be anything else in this society.  This is the part I had to learn.  When I "resigned from the Matrix" I thought I had found a way out of the rat race because I had found free rent.  I thought that not having to slave away at a job would free me up to be home often for my children.  I thought "what could be more important then being home for my sons?" 

I was correct in that nothing is more important than the time that we have.  Nothing is more important to my children, right now at least, then having me and their mother around to give them love.  Somebody needs to tell that to money I guess. 

Yes, the more money we make, the more we spend, and maybe that's just the nature of man.  Money is a man made construct.  It lends itself to us to spend it and requires us to make more of it.  Like I was saying in my comment to OX...happiness is about constantly bettering our circumstances.  We adapt to a new normal in a matter of days.  You win the lottery, become a millionaire over night, and then a year later you are bored again, and therefore not happy.  This is the human condition.  Money, and then power, and then you are President Dump looking to fulfill your needs when there is nothing left that can fulfill them. 

In my case, the bottom line is that I have to provide a home for my family.  That means making a steady income.  My business was doing awesome, but there was that 4 to 5 month gap in my seasonal business where it did next to nothing.  I fixed that problem.  Yesterday I tested for the cdl and passed.  I now have a cdl and a steady job with a W-2.  I get paid every week all year long every year...so long as I can keep it. 

Quote
The Biblical story of creation....the Garden of Eden? That's the story of the human condition. Everything we need is available in abundant supply in nature. But we have wrecked the planet trying to squeeze out enough to hoard and spend, and at the same time we've overshot the mark on numbers like a colony of E.Coli fed pure sugar.. More people.....squeeze out a little more juice, until there's nothing left but a pile of slag and garbage.

We fucked up badly somewhere. At least we can see that. That's our only redemption. Ask the universe for forgiveness and die laughing at the cosmic joke that is our struggle of an existence. Is that Nihilism? I don't think so.

Love does matter. Love is eternal.

I'm not a nihilist because I believe in love and in beauty.  I don't have a hard time finding the beauty in this life.  I know where it is, and it's always beautiful.  Beauty is a product I love I think.  If you can't love then you can't see beauty.  Just as hate and destruction go together.  Yet there seems to be a higher truth then just love.  Accepting what is seems to be that truth.  To transcend suffering I think means going beyond that love/hate duality.  Or maybe not?  Love your enemy?  I'm thinking more of the Buddha here.  It's all an illusion, and if that's true then it means that love and beauty are also illusion.  Maybe so? 

Quote
Love as much as you can, and especially, try to find some love for that abandoned, beat-up, mixed-up kid that is inside you. He is worthy of love.

Thanks for that Eddie.  I know that you are right.  I also know that realizing this fully means crying a lot.  I shut that part of myself down back when I was that little abandoned kid.  It was a survival mechanism.  Now there is a lifetime of emotional pain locked up deep in my psyche, and I'm afraid to let it out.  Stupid I know.  A large part of me feels like it would just be senseless pain.  My day to day life is now simple.  I drive a truck for money to support my family.  Honestly, I feel like there's not much left there to work with. 

Driving a truck is not my bliss!  Is following your bliss only for the young without familial responsibilities?  Same with being the change you want to see in the world.  I know Campbell and Gandhi were both telling the truth, but at the same time there is a common sense that is impervious to their idealism.  We don't have rights of passages to go through to become men and women, to become functional members of a tribe.  The Corporatocracy owns everything and their prime directive is profit.  Follow your bliss?  Be the change you want to see in the world?  I tried my hardest to follow those patterns.  The pinnacle of my achievements to that end was the barbeque we had in Saluda.  We all know how that ended. 

Permaculture and sustainability.  Ancient crafting skills with bamboo.  I was being paid to design permaculture landscapes, and I was giving presentations at Mother Earth News as a bamboo expert.  Now I'm fucking driving a truck :laugh:

What a fucking joke!  A God joke?  Yeah right, if it's funny to God then he/she/it can go fuck themselves.  Follow your bliss and be the change my ass.  Yeah, you can pretend that's what you're doing in Merika so long as you've got money to pay the bills.  Otherwise you can't afford idealism.  And, at any rate, is idealism even compatible with money?  I don't think that it is. 

Mixed signals, I know, but I'm simply doing what I do...expressing my truth with words.  I'm shouting into the virtual psyche to be heard, and to maybe be understood.  I'm looking for validation, redemption, and hoping to help alleviate some suffering for those out there confused and hurt by it all.  At least with my new profession I'll have plenty of time to kill with nothing better to do other than reading and writing.  I can engage with the Dinersphere easily enough from my sleeper at the ubiquitous piss smelling truck stops across Merika. 

Offline RE

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #26 on: October 04, 2017, 08:46:36 AM »
My business was doing awesome, but there was that 4 to 5 month gap in my seasonal business where it did next to nothing.

That was only because you refused to do anything else to fill in the gap, like Taxes for HR Block or Janitorial Services as another bizness.

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Offline luciddreams

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #27 on: October 04, 2017, 08:54:32 AM »


LD,
I know you're busy with school & licensing, but in the future, try to reach out to your higher self for guidance.
That nonsense of the Prime Directive is not true. Hands off, BAAAHHHHH....

Well I got the cdl yesterday, but there's an interesting story there with respect to my higher self.  The night before the day of the test, and then the morning of, I wanted to pray to God to help me pass the test.  Failing would have been fucking miserable.  It would have meant another week in this shit hole away from my family.  The day of the test was simply miserable.  I ended up being the last in my group to test.  That meant that I had to sit in a waiting room for 9 fucking hours waiting on my turn.  We had no idea what order we were going in either, it was just up to the test site denizens.  I got no sleep the night before because my roomie snores loudly.  I've been having to sleep with ear buds and a pillow over my head. 

Anyways, I waited for 9 hours.  I remained calm amidst waves of anticipation and worry.  By the end of the day I was exhausted by the energy it took to wait and remain calm.  I was not worried about passing.  I knew that I had the skills down.  There is a pre-trip inspection that you have to perform before the skills and road test portion.  This part is the typical government regulated licensing bullshit that you have to do.  You know, repeat these lines word for word in this order, pull this knob, push this button, perform this action, and there are critical fails at every step during the entire process.  Do this thing and you fail instantly.  It's a fucking game, but it's a game with another week of your life in a shithole town in a shithole hotel for another week.  That week would be spent doing the same shit over and over again 11 hours a day.  The shit that you already know how to do but have to do it because you didn't jump and fart while repeating "properly mounted and secured" and the correct times. 

After 9 hours of fighting off anticipation I was exhausted mentally.  So during the opening sequence of the Mechanical Zombie Nomad exam I forgot to perform a function that meant a critical fail.  The examiner was already in overtime for the day because we had one extra test from our company because she had failed the previous two attempts.  This put everyone behind for the day.  The same guy had failed her the two times before.  I finished the pre-trip inspection, and I stated that to the examiner, and then he informed me that I had forgotten a step that was a critical fail.  My heart sunk.  This was my greatest fear, that I would miss some stupid critical fail, but I was mentally beat from 9 hours of soft torture.  For some reason he allowed me to try again. 

I had no idea what I had missed.  None at all.  It was during a three point brake inspection.  I started the sequence over having no idea what I missed, no idea how to fix it and redeem myself during this second chance that I shouldn't even be having.  It felt like an eternity for that 30 seconds while I sat there, blank head, trying to conjure up what I had forgotten.  I released the trailer and tractor brakes, the sound of air escaping, "wait for the pressure to equalize," listening to the air slowly bleeding, then it popped into my head, as if by magic.  I remembered what I was supposed to do, the chicken shit sequence that meant I wouldn't spend another week in this hell hole away from my family.  It was like God had just hit me with a lightning bolt of knowledge. 

I moved on to the skills and aced them all with perfection.  You know, the actual driving skills.  The skills that actually matter where pertains to operating a tractor trailer.  It very much felt like something was watching over me.  It felt like something was helping me.  Ironic considering my feelings towards the idea of God lately.  I did allow myself to pray to a god a goddess that I pray to from time to time.  They are from the ancient Celtic pantheon.  Ogma and Bride.  I don't really believe in them as actual entities, but I hold that they could be real, or that it's just some unconscious power that we have.  The realm of the occult and magic.  Why not?  I damn sure know it wasn't Yahwe, the Christian God looking out for me yesterday.  If I were that guy than this little soul of mine would be burning in hell.  We had a falling out many years ago. 

You can't be Om/nicient/potent/benevolent and be kind at the same time.  If you are those things then you are an asshole.  But I won't go down that road here right now. 

Anyways, that need to pray is deep in us isn't it?  When times are tough we want to pray.  I don't have too hard of a time reconciling that.  It's built into our psyche, and something is listening and occasionally intervening, even if it's just our own unconscious mind. 

Offline luciddreams

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #28 on: October 04, 2017, 09:06:38 AM »
My business was doing awesome, but there was that 4 to 5 month gap in my seasonal business where it did next to nothing.

That was only because you refused to do anything else to fill in the gap, like Taxes for HR Block or Janitorial Services as another bizness.

RE

Right, because I have free will, at least the illusion of it, and I did not want to do any of those things.  Self employment is a lot more difficult than it sounds.  Yes, there can be more rewards, but that is because there are more risks involved.  Those risks can easily outweigh the rewards.  What my family needs is financial stability. 

Driving a truck is as stable as I can get presently.  It's a meal ticket so long as BAU persists.  Shit, it is BAU.  Trucks stop and BAU stops the next instant.  Trucking is a non-negotiable portion of the Merikan way. 

I've got a years worth of savings in the bank.  That is, I can afford to pay my bills, with the new added rent, for a year without making any money.  If the economy tanks, and I get the pink slip from my company, then I will be able to find a job with my cdl at some point within a year.  If it goes a year without a cdl being able to acquire a man a job then the shit has hit the fan.  There is no hedging against tshtf and teotwawki. 

There are a lot of sacrifices I'm making to acquire the money from driving a truck.  However, what I get in return is stability for my family. 

I had no interest in juggling part time jobs while operating my own business in an attempt to pay the rent. 

Offline RE

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Re: Mechanical Zombie Nomads
« Reply #29 on: October 04, 2017, 09:10:04 AM »
It very much felt like something was watching over me.  It felt like something was helping me.

That was the FINGER OF GOD.  Without it, I never could have lasted 7 year OTR with a perfect driving record.


RE
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