AuthorTopic: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking  (Read 2402 times)

Offline RE

  • Administrator
  • Chief Cook & Bottlewasher
  • *****
  • Posts: 35958
    • View Profile
The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« on: May 23, 2017, 02:31:46 AM »


It's looking more and more likely that my metabolic functions will Collapse before we get "The Big One" of Civilization Collapse, like the ATMs going dark or a Nuclear weapon detonation or Martial Law being declared in the FSoA.  My generally bad health has taken a turn for the worse with many new problems cropping up, although no diagnosis yet.  I definitely am suffering some kind of biochemical imbalance which may be an across the board systems failure.  I am supposed to get a full round of blood tests but so far have not been called by the laboratory to schedule an appointment.



Tomorrow I will call the clinic to get an appointment with the Primary Care NP who replaced my old MD who retired last New Year's to have a look at the latest in symptoms and also to get a referral to a neurologist & an internist.  I've developed a severe itching problem which I think is related to the peripheral nervous system rather than some skin irritation.  The skin irritation I do have I think results from the constant rubbing and scratching I do to relieve the itch. In the cause and effect sequence here, it's the Itch causing the Rash, not the Rash causing the Itch. In any event, none of the creams prescribed to me by the dermatologist has done anything to fix this extremely annoying symptom.



The issue with calling the clinic for an appointment tomorrow is that usually it takes at least 2 weeks to get the appointment.  I don't think I will die in the next 2 weeks, but then after that for her to refer me to more specialists takes another 2-3 weeks.  I don't think going over to the ER is a solution because I am not conspicuously dieing fast.  The ER doc would not be able to figure out what is wrong any better than the other docs I have seen recently.  So I just have to Hurry Up and Wait, or Hurry Up and Die, all while dealing with an incredibly irritating itch that makes the days interminably long and makes it almost impossible to sleep.



Whenever it comes here, dying doesn't bother me and I don't fear death.  I have always known I wouldn't get the full 80 years my parents got, in fact making it to almost 60 was quite miraculous.  Also, as I wrote in my Bucket List article a little while back, there really isn't anything left I haven't done that I still am capable of doing.  I don't have kids or grandkids of my own to worry about in taking my trip across the Great Divide.  I have only a few friends who will mourn my passing for a while, throw a Wake for me, and maybe remember me a while longer than that.  I am Dust in the Wind on planet Earth, as we all are.  What legacy I do leave is all written on the Internet, here on the pages of the Doomstead Diner and on many of the other groups and forums I ran over the years.  Not to mention all the commentariats I trolled. lol.



I did worry about one thing directly in the aftermath of leaving work as my bodily functions began their downhill slide, which was that I wouldn't have time to tie up my work on the Diner and that I wouldn't have my financial affairs tied up.  I was concerned all my personal possessions would be scattered to the wind along with my bank account.  However, that was over 2 years ago, and in the month following I got my Last Will & Testament written and I wrote a self obituary here on the Diner, which still sits in the drafts waiting until I croak for one of the other Admins here to publish it.  So after that, I was up to date any day the Grim Reaper came a-calling.



The intervening time has given me opportunity to write a lot more, with a few real gems in there I am glad I got down on the disc.  I also still have plenty more to write about, by no means am I burned out or do I think I have exhaustively covered every Collapse related topic there is to cover.  Collapse is ever evolving and ever changing, and there are always new observations to be made on how it manifests itself.  However, I hit most of the major points along the way here, and at some point this chronicle has to end, whether it be by my dying first or the Internet Going Dark.  If by some miracle I did last long enough to reach the latter alternative, I wouldn't have any meaning & purpose left for my life, and honestly I really don't want to live in a society engulfed in chaos, which is certain to occur once the internet goes bye-bye for good.  As a society here in the 1st World, we're simply too dependent on it for too many things.  The electrical grid, banking, water and sewage treatment, street lights and of course Elon Musk's self-driving carz.



I am glad I came to understand the nature of Civilization Collapse over the last decade, and had the opportunity ro write about it on the pages of the Doomstead Diner.  It made me a lot more philosophical about Existence, about Consciousness, and about the Nature of God.  I shifted from being an Atheist to a Panentheist a full decade before I became collapse aware, but through the lens of collapse I was able to understand these questions much better and focus my mind on how to express the ideas and my beliefs.  Much of that credit goes to my friends and fellow philosophers Inside the Diner, with whom I hashed out these ideas on many occassions on our Spirituality & Mysticism forum.



I am most grateful for the friends I have made on the Diner over these years, without them I would have no friends at all to discuss these concepts with, or who might remember me for at least a short while after I pass into the Great Beyond.  I pretty much left behind all my IRL friends by the end of my trucking years, and though I knew and saw regularly at work many people, I was never really friends with them.  They were just work acquaintances, and I spent my off work hours by myself, keyboarding out my analysis of Doom here on the internet.  I'm still doing that for the time being, but I also have had the opportunity during our Diner Convocations to meet and spend time with several of the Diner principals, and I consider them all my closest friends, my only friends.  Maybe if I make it through this latest of trials, I'll be able to join them IRL in the Lower 48.  Time will tell.



As much as I philosophically, environmentally and socially would have preferred if 10,000 years ago Homo Saps had not crossed over from Hunter-Gatherer into Agriculture and discovered Metalurgy which enabled all the cool War Toys we sport today, that just was not the path we took and nobody back then could have forseen where it would lead.  It just seemed like CFS to have as many kids as you could and make your society the biggest and strongest one, wiping out anyone who got in your way.  So inexorably over the millenia we arrived at the point we are at today, discovering in the last 250 years how to harness the thermodynamic energy of fossil fuels and build a marvelous array of toys to make our lives easier and more pleasant.  Meanwhile of course, also completely destroying the environment we depend on to live.



I don't regret being born in this era, nor do I feel guilty for all the fossil fuels I burned either directly or indirectly to make my life possible in this civilization.  I was one of the luckiest ones, born in the right place at the right time to the right people.  I got to fly on Jets to see many places, I got motorcycles and carz, I got spiffy computers, the lights nearly always came on when I flicked the switch, the toilet nearly always flushed and I never went hungry a day in my life.  I didn't get the Private Jet and Yacht of course, but I still got most of the perks of Industrial Civilization and that was done mostly on a middle class FSoA paycheck.  Now also as my time on earth in this iteration of my corporeal self comes to a close, I ALSO got some time in Retirement, over 2 years now and still running.  This is a luxury most people through human history have not had, and now fewer all the time are getting as pensions and social security programs are eviscerated globally.  If there is one thing I will regret in dying soon, it will be that I couldn't collect on my SS for a longer period of time. lol.  At least I will not go out of this world in this incarnation as a Homeless Cripple Freezing to Death on the Streets of Palmer, Alaska.



What I do try to reinforce in my writings on collapse is that while the situation is bad and now bordering on awful and likely to become positively horrific, it's still not the utterly HOPELESS situation some other Collapse Pundits make it out to be.  Sea Level is not going to rise 300' in the next decade, this is going to take quite some time.  The entire globe won't become unsutiable for habitation on such a timescale either.  Even on the more mundane level of monetary system collapse and the ATMs going dark, we won't instantly descend to Mad Max.  Even Syria is not at Mad Max level, there are still organized factions fighting it out with each other and the lights are still on in Damascus at least part of the time.  What the person who wants to try to survive the Zero Point has to do is figure out what the best strategies are for surviving these types of dislocation, because they are bound to be coming down the pike at some point.  We have a shrinking resource pie, and Homo Saps will fight over the pie as it shrinks, that's the way we are built, it's survival instinct.  1st Worlders aren't immune to this, there is no Exceptionalism to the Survival Instinct.  Currently there is still enough to go round in the 1st World, though more poorly distributed by the day.  When (not if) that is no longer the case, the FSoA and everywhere else in the 1st World becomes a facsimile of Syria today.  About the best one can hope for on the War front is that the clowns in charge don't push the button on the Nukes.



I won't regret not being around for "The Big One", I know it will come eventually and as I mentioned I don't relish the idea of trying to survive inside a failed state, which I would not be able to do in any event.  I'm barely able to keep going even WITH all the bells and whistles of Industrial Civilization still available to me!  Just in the last couple of months I have had an EKG, and Echo Cardiogram, a Nuclear Stress Test and and Ultrasound on the veins in my legs.  Not that any of these expensive tests have yet provided a clue as to what is actually wrong with me of course.  Fortunately, I am not paying for them, Medicaid is still doing that for me.  If I had to pay for this shit, I would just skip it and wait to die.  Paying still good money to stay alive at this point for me is a total waste of money.  That money can do more good helping to get the SUN Foundation off the ground after I am dead.  I am like a $1000 used car totaled in a wreck and the Body Shop tells you it will cost $5000 to fix me up.  What idiot would waste their money this way?



To tie up the latest in the Death Chronicles from RE, the main change here resultant from the latest problems is that I am going to accelerate up publishing my autobiography, to try and get all the parts out before I take the Final Ride to the Great Beyond.  I'm also writing a lot more as I race to the finish line to get as much off my keyboard as I can before rigor mortis sets in and my keyboard fingers are cold and stiff, so I will probably drop more like 3 new artiles of my own on the blog for a while to work through some of the backlog.  So check back in regularly to catch the latest in DOOM here on the Doomstead Diner.


SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN

Offline RE

  • Administrator
  • Chief Cook & Bottlewasher
  • *****
  • Posts: 35958
    • View Profile
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2017, 04:46:18 AM »
Went to bed for an hour to see if I could get some sleep.  No luck.  Back out of bed now, creamed up and rubbing my itchy skin again.  I don't think I have slept more than an hour at a time in at least a week.  I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't shit.  I'm still breathing, I can still drink and I can still piss.  The first 3 are killing me though.

The Diner also is Collapsing.  Now the problem is with the Blog.  If you notice above, the article has none of the usual formatting.  Just to get the text pasted in, saved and published took me 3 tries.  Palloy did get the Login problem fixed here on the Forum, but so far no word on the new one.  For me, this new problem is even worse than the last one.  I have a ton of stuff to publish in the drafts.

I think God is sending me a message it's time to wrap up the show and get my ticket to the Great Beyond punched.  I thought shit was bad before, but this is intolerable.  If I was in pain, at least I could load up on Opiates.  Nothing seems to touch this itch at all.

Besides getting my articles published, my main concern is my STUFF & my MONEY.  I want to be as sure as I can be it will all go to the right place when I finally give up the ghost here.  I don't want all the money chewed up in probate court with the medical industry taking it  As it stands now, it's a good kickoff endowment for the SUN Foundation.

My Preps too are a lot of really good stuff.  My Ewz, nice Bike & Trailer, my new computer and my cameras, all first class.  Then all the camping gear and of course all the FOOD.  The food isn't worth shipping though, but I would like it to be given away to local Homeless people.

Dying is tough when you don't have family around to clean up the flotsam & jetsam accumulated in your life.

RE
SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN

Offline Eddie

  • Administrator
  • Master Chef
  • *****
  • Posts: 17035
    • View Profile
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2017, 06:27:29 AM »
Hang in there. If the itch can't be controlled, then you're going to have to use mind-over-matter to make yourself NOT SCRATCH....no matter how hard you want to. Not easy, I know, but you CAN do it, if you want to bad enough.

I know, easy for me to say. Sorry you're suffering.

In general, we have reached that point in life when planning for the end game becomes necessary. I went to the doctor yesterday. He wants to put me on BP meds and I suspect he'll want to give me drugs to control my blood sugar, once my labs are in. It's depressing. I don't want to live on meds.

I might try one more time to work at making myself healthy. I think if I made myself start running again and gave up alcohol and lost maybe 20 pounds, my chances of surviving the next 20 years would probably go up a lot.



What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well.

Offline RE

  • Administrator
  • Chief Cook & Bottlewasher
  • *****
  • Posts: 35958
    • View Profile
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2017, 06:47:34 AM »
Hang in there. If the itch can't be controlled, then you're going to have to use mind-over-matter to make yourself NOT SCRATCH....no matter how hard you want to. Not easy, I know, but you CAN do it, if you want to bad enough.

I know, easy for me to say. Sorry you're suffering.

In general, we have reached that point in life when planning for the end game becomes necessary. I went to the doctor yesterday. He wants to put me on BP meds and I suspect he'll want to give me drugs to control my blood sugar, once my labs are in. It's depressing. I don't want to live on meds.

I might try one more time to work at making myself healthy. I think if I made myself start running again and gave up alcohol and lost maybe 20 pounds, my chances of surviving the next 20 years would probably go up a lot.

There are times I can make myself not scratch, but I can't make myself go to sleep.

I also have to clarify here, because what I am experiencing really isn't an "itch" in the classic sense of the sensation.  It's more of a hypersensitivity of the nerves in my skin, and it appears to travel around quite a bit now.  The main area has been more my chest, neck and arms now, rather than my back.  This morning, my left nipple has become highly sensitive.  None of these areas have any rash at all on them as of yet, and they are in spots I can rub them without doing the kind of back scrubbing I was doing with my back on a terry cloth towel.  Interestingly, while the problem on my chest and neck has become worse, there is *slight* improvement on the back.

The rubbing I do to relieve the itch hasn't itself had any real bad consequences as of yet, even on my back I haven't rubbed it so much as to cause bleeding.  The real problem is with the sleeping, and just the constant annoyance.  Unlike the Tinnitis I have (squealing in the head for those of you who are not familiar with the term), I can't ignore it or block it out.  At least I haven't found a way to do that yet, though believe me I try.

I am not sure if the problem lies in the peripheral nerves themselves or if it is a CNS problem  The latter seems more probable given my injury, but it could be either.  It could also be biochemical due to my absolutely horrendous nutrition lately.  All I ate in the last 3 days was a couple of scoops of one of my salads.  It was all I could stomach.  I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if I am developing liver and kidney problems.

All in all, things are not looking good.  My main goal was to make it to my 60th birthday, but at this point 3 months looks like a very long time to me.  Every day is interminably long now.

RE
SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN

Offline luciddreams

  • Administrator
  • Sous Chef
  • *****
  • Posts: 3307
    • View Profile
    • Epiphany Now
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2017, 07:44:44 AM »
I'm giving up alcohol again.  I spend too much money on it.  My excuse has been that craft beer is the way that I pay myself.  Alcohol is literally the only thing that I buy that is not necessary.  I buy $10 dollar six packs though, because that is what it cost for good beer.  Lately I've mostly been drinking hard apple cider.  I used to mostly drink IPA, but I have gotten tired of it.  There are literally thousands of different IPA's to chose from, and I've had most of them.  My favorite beverage is Woodchuck's Granny Smith cider.  I love that stuff, and I can suck a six pack down in a couple of hours easy.  It's only 5%, so it does not result in me being drunk, or even buzzed much.  I have to drink high gravity beer or wine to get drunk these days.  I have given up liquor all together because I get drunk when I drink it, and then I text stupid shit to friends, or do other stupid shit.  Anyways, I'm about ready to give up alcohol all together.  It's just become a money drain at this point, and an occasional liability.  It adds nothing to my life.  I can learn to enjoy other beverages like kumbucha, which GM makes a lot of.  Last time I quit drinking alcohol I bought a lot of the Aloe drinks.  Cranberry juice is probably what I drank most of though because it can be had relatively cheaply from costco, and I love it.  Its safe to say that drinking is my last remaining vice.  I haven't smoked a cigarette, or anything else, for months now. 

I just got a cavity filled yesterday.  That was $237 out of pocket, but it was a great experience.  The shot was minor discomfort, and I didn't feel any of the drilling with exception to the vibration.  The dentist is very quick.  It took about 5 minutes and the whole thing was done.  Now I just have one crown that has fallen apart, but the tooth nub is hermetically sealed so it's just cosmetic, and I don't give a shit about that. 

My decision to go legit with taxes was a good one as well.  I'm getting a rather large return, and I paid nothing in taxes.  It's because of earned income credit and the kid credit.  Everybody I know told me I should be gaming the system, but I felt I should not, and I'm glad I stuck with my own intuition on the matter.  Now I don't have to worry about an audit and I'm getting a return.  I had around 30k in revenue, but with all of my business purchases last year I made hardly anything.  I'm claiming every cent that I made as well, every dollar I received was recorded and the tax man still has my log.  I figured that with SUN I was bound to get audited, although I'm not a board member any longer.  GM is, and we thought it best that only one of us be a member to stay out of legal problems. 

You can rest assured that if you die, RE, and your funds actually make it to SUN without the Wealthcare system eating it alive, we will purchase as much land as we can with the money.  Unrestricted land.  Then a lot of bamboo will be planted, and a lot of natural buildings will go up. The first building will be named in your honor.  What would you like it to be called? 

Also, wouldn't you like to participate in making it a reality?  Wouldn't you at least like to watch it happen via pictures from your seat in Palmer Alaska?  Why wait till you die? 


Offline jdwheeler42

  • Global Moderator
  • Sous Chef
  • *****
  • Posts: 3326
    • View Profile
    • Going Upslope
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2017, 08:24:23 AM »
I also have to clarify here, because what I am experiencing really isn't an "itch" in the classic sense of the sensation.  It's more of a hypersensitivity of the nerves in my skin, and it appears to travel around quite a bit now.  The main area has been more my chest, neck and arms now, rather than my back.  This morning, my left nipple has become highly sensitive.  None of these areas have any rash at all on them as of yet, and they are in spots I can rub them without doing the kind of back scrubbing I was doing with my back on a terry cloth towel.  Interestingly, while the problem on my chest and neck has become worse, there is *slight* improvement on the back.

The rubbing I do to relieve the itch hasn't itself had any real bad consequences as of yet, even on my back I haven't rubbed it so much as to cause bleeding.  The real problem is with the sleeping, and just the constant annoyance.  Unlike the Tinnitis I have (squealing in the head for those of you who are not familiar with the term), I can't ignore it or block it out.  At least I haven't found a way to do that yet, though believe me I try.

I am not sure if the problem lies in the peripheral nerves themselves or if it is a CNS problem  The latter seems more probable given my injury, but it could be either.  It could also be biochemical due to my absolutely horrendous nutrition lately.  All I ate in the last 3 days was a couple of scoops of one of my salads.  It was all I could stomach.  I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if I am developing liver and kidney problems.
I would recommend you go out ASAP and get a good sublingual B12 supplement, maybe even take 2-3 times the recommended dose.  There is a chance, albeit not great, it could take care of the itching problem you are having.   With your current diet, though, you almost certainly are developing a B12 deficiency, and in general B12 is one of the safest supplements, your liver stores any excess you get, so it's not a bad idea for anyone.
Making pigs fly is easy... that is, of course, after you have built the catapult....

Offline RE

  • Administrator
  • Chief Cook & Bottlewasher
  • *****
  • Posts: 35958
    • View Profile
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2017, 08:56:50 AM »
You can rest assured that if you die, RE, and your funds actually make it to SUN without the Wealthcare system eating it alive, we will purchase as much land as we can with the money.  Unrestricted land.  Then a lot of bamboo will be planted, and a lot of natural buildings will go up. The first building will be named in your honor.  What would you like it to be called?

Also, wouldn't you like to participate in making it a reality?  Wouldn't you at least like to watch it happen via pictures from your seat in Palmer Alaska?  Why wait till you die?

I wouldn't advise spending ALL the money on land.  You want some money left over to build with, and you should keep a Rainy Day fund.

Far as what to name the building, there can be only one name.  The Doomstead Diner.

Wouldn't I like participate in making it a reality?  Sure I would.  But I am not destined to see the Promised Land.

RE
SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN

Offline RE

  • Administrator
  • Chief Cook & Bottlewasher
  • *****
  • Posts: 35958
    • View Profile
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2017, 09:00:28 AM »
I also have to clarify here, because what I am experiencing really isn't an "itch" in the classic sense of the sensation.  It's more of a hypersensitivity of the nerves in my skin, and it appears to travel around quite a bit now.  The main area has been more my chest, neck and arms now, rather than my back.  This morning, my left nipple has become highly sensitive.  None of these areas have any rash at all on them as of yet, and they are in spots I can rub them without doing the kind of back scrubbing I was doing with my back on a terry cloth towel.  Interestingly, while the problem on my chest and neck has become worse, there is *slight* improvement on the back.

The rubbing I do to relieve the itch hasn't itself had any real bad consequences as of yet, even on my back I haven't rubbed it so much as to cause bleeding.  The real problem is with the sleeping, and just the constant annoyance.  Unlike the Tinnitis I have (squealing in the head for those of you who are not familiar with the term), I can't ignore it or block it out.  At least I haven't found a way to do that yet, though believe me I try.

I am not sure if the problem lies in the peripheral nerves themselves or if it is a CNS problem  The latter seems more probable given my injury, but it could be either.  It could also be biochemical due to my absolutely horrendous nutrition lately.  All I ate in the last 3 days was a couple of scoops of one of my salads.  It was all I could stomach.  I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if I am developing liver and kidney problems.
I would recommend you go out ASAP and get a good sublingual B12 supplement, maybe even take 2-3 times the recommended dose.  There is a chance, albeit not great, it could take care of the itching problem you are having.   With your current diet, though, you almost certainly are developing a B12 deficiency, and in general B12 is one of the safest supplements, your liver stores any excess you get, so it's not a bad idea for anyone.

I just bought a new jar of multi-vitamins.  Since my last jar ran out and I stopped eating, I haven't been good about taking vitamins either.  My tradition was always to take them with something I was eating so there would be other stuff in my stomach to digest.  Obviously, I have to change that habit.

I'll go out and pick up a B-12 supplement today.

RE
SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN

Offline RE

  • Administrator
  • Chief Cook & Bottlewasher
  • *****
  • Posts: 35958
    • View Profile
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2017, 11:14:23 AM »
OK, I have developed a Plan A & Plan B for the End Game here.  One way or the other, I will be out of Alaska by September of 2017.  It's just waiting in LDs PMs for approval.

In Plan A, I make it through my hearing and August still above ground.  Then it is pack up and move out time to the Lower 48.

In Plan B, the metabolic system gives out before then, in which case I leave Alaska by leaving corporeal existence altogether.

I don't expect a sudden death in my sleep or while sitting on the throne, those usually only come from heart attacks, and my ticker appears to be in reasonably good shape.  That and my brain are the only organs I have left still in reasonably good working order, everything else is shot to hell.  So I expect to have at least a few days of warning.

RE
SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN

Offline jdwheeler42

  • Global Moderator
  • Sous Chef
  • *****
  • Posts: 3326
    • View Profile
    • Going Upslope
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2017, 02:07:54 PM »
I just bought a new jar of multi-vitamins.  Since my last jar ran out and I stopped eating, I haven't been good about taking vitamins either.  My tradition was always to take them with something I was eating so there would be other stuff in my stomach to digest.  Obviously, I have to change that habit.

I'll go out and pick up a B-12 supplement today.
Sorry I didn't get to this earlier, but today was a chemo day so I was stuck at the hospital.  I did have tinnitis after my surgery, which went away in the past couple weeks.  I have been changing my vitamin regimen prophylactically as hearing issues are frequent with my chemo therapy.  Since I don't know which worked for me, or what is causing yours, I can't make any recommendations, but here is an article with some suggestions:

http://www.tinnitusadvisor.com/supplements-vitamins-for-tinnitus/
Making pigs fly is easy... that is, of course, after you have built the catapult....

Offline RE

  • Administrator
  • Chief Cook & Bottlewasher
  • *****
  • Posts: 35958
    • View Profile
When I'm Gone
« Reply #10 on: May 26, 2017, 02:11:26 AM »


youtube-Logo-4gc2reddit-logoOff the keyboard of RE



Follow us on Twitter @doomstead666

Friend us on Facebook



Published on The Doomstead Diner May 26, 2017






 



Discuss this article at the Medicine & Health Table inside the Diner



Yes indeed, this is truly looking like a Message From God now that the time has come to make some serious changes in my life, or what little is left of it.



The Diner has had some technical problems in the last week, which our Wizard Genius Code Jockey Palloy has been trying to get fixed up.  It has something to do with compatibility between the various software packages and plugins and PHP versions, most likely.  Whatever the problem is though, without somebody like Palloy to keep everything ship shape after a couple of years at the most something is going to go wrong, and down goes the website.  Besides that, somebody has to be around to pay the server bills.



A while back I created a FREE WordPress Blog to handle this situation, DoomsteadDinerBeta.wordpress.com.  It has most of my articles up to about 2 years ago on it.  I haven't been good about maintaining it since though.  However, for as long as the Forum database holds up, all the articles I wrote in the interim are preserved there as well as on this WordPress blog.  You can still dig them up if you like for the moment, but probably not for too long once I buy my ticket to the Great Beyond.



The Internet is a Temporal medium in one sense, and an Eternal one in another.  It's temporal in the sense that after about a month, anything you wrote is OLD NEWZ, and nobody ever goes back to read it, even if you are a famous Superstar of Doom like John Michael Greer.  Who goes back to read 10 year old posts from Mr. Wizard on the Archdruid Report to try and catch up on his evolving philosophy and ideas?  If you followed him for that period of time and could tolerate it, you know what he is saying.  Who will buy this full 10 Volume Collection of all his posts he intends to publish, and WHY?  Nobody statistically speaking ever goes very far back in time reading old articles.



In another sense though, eliminating the reader from the the equation, the digibits stored on silicon memory chips are very long lasting unless hit by an EMP, so whether it is read or not, the organization of letters into words and words into a story remains around for quite a while, even after the computers are all shut down from lack of electricity.



In a more metaphysical sense, your thoughts and ideas are never destroyed, they exist for all eternity whether you wrote them down or not. Do they need to be read by someone to have meaning?  No, the meaning is still there whether anyone is around to read them or not, or can decipher what is written.  We have a few old books like the Bible around that can still be read by people, but this is of course only a tiny drop in the bucket of all the thoughts of all the people who ever lived since we developed sapience somewhere back in the mists of time.



So what I realized here with this latest software problem (which doesn't appear yet quite as serious as the Big Crash of the Diner we had a few years back which took it offline for a full week) is that it's not really that important to me that the Diner stays up after I cross the Great Divide.  I'm not writing for posterity for some readers in the far future, I'm writing to communicate with people who live in the here and now and who are experiencing collapse with me.  It's not a huge following of people, but it's enough for me and I have made good friends during the time I have been running this blog and forum.  As I said in my recent Death Chronicle Grim Reaper post, without those friends I wouldn't have anyone at all around as I edge my way out of this world and into the Great Beyond.






Making Changes



I also have a better clue now as to what is wrong with me, my Liver is pretty well shot.  All the years of drinking finally caught up with me.  It's amazing it lasted as long as it did.  If I want to live any longer at all I have change this behavior and stop, and so I did 2 days ago after returning home from the clinic.  I don't know whether it's in time to reverse the problems and live a while longer, but I'll give it a shot.  Livers do regenrate if there are still enough good liver cells left.  My mom had Liver Cancer and had a third of hers cut out and lived another 10 years.  I at least want to live long enough to get the SUN☼ Project off the ground, which entails getting out of Alaska and down to South Carolina where the non-profit is chartered and where the other principal officers of the corporation live.  I have to try and stay alive at least for a couple of more months to get this done properly.  If you have enjoyed my writings on Collapse over the years or my Rants or Interviews, drop by the SUN☼ Project Website and make a Donation to help us along.  It's TAX DEDUCTIBLE.



I have quit drinking a few times in my life, most notably when I was out on the road trucking and it was against company rules to drink even while you were off duty.  If you got caught, instant dismissal so it was a very good motivator to quit.  However, I always went back to drinking if I didn't have some threat like that hanging over my head.  Why?  Because I enjoyed drinking, it gave me pleasure.  Same thing with smoking.  I was of course well aware of the negative health consequences of both, but they generally take years to show up, and in some cases never do.  I had an uncle who smoked 2 packs of Camel Straights a day and drank a bottle of whisky a day into his 90s. He did have emphysema at the end, but by 90 just about everyone has something wrong with them even if they  have perfect habits.  So I just kept my fingers crossed I would be one of the lucky ones.  I was, until now.



Do I regret my choices now that it caught up with me?  No, I really don't, at least as long as I can get SUN☼ off the ground and I think I should live long enough to manage that. To not have drank and smoked for these last 40 years or so would have taken some of the pleasure out of my life.  I sacrificed an unknown number of years I might have lived longer to do as I pleased in the here and now.  Not having any kids to worry about or look forward to seeing grandkids, it really didn't matter to me how long I lived.  Also, after getting out of the truck nearing age 50, I realized I wasn't going to make any earth shattering accomplishments, and I was just going through the motions of daily living inside industrial society.  Get up, shower, go to work to keep a roof over my head, go home, eat, go to sleep.  Rinse and repeat.  If I lived longer, I would be doing just the same thing.  Well, except for the working part. lol.



I did get a hobby though just around the time I hit 50, which was following Collapse on the internet.  This has kept my mind occupied for the last decade, the last 5 years of which have been spent writing for the Doomstead Diner.  That gave me some meaning and purpose to my life, but it didn't stop me from drinking.  Then after my injury 3 years ago and leaving work, I started drinking even more.  Living life as a cripple is no fun, so there was even less reason for me to want to extend my life out further.  Beyond that, my knowledge of collapse and my own condition informs me I stand no chance of survival in even just a mild collapse scenario.  I'm too dependent on modern medicine to stay alive without it.



Understanding collapse did give me a Goal to shoot for though, which was to get SUN☼ off the ground, and that really only became possible once I won my Workman's Compensation case and got my lump sum award.  The big hangup for SUN☼ has always been not having enough money to get some land and demonstrate sustainable living techniques while trying to build a bigger and more resilient community around it.  In this world, if you don't have money you can't get anything done.



So I was already planning to leave Alaska for South Carolina this spring, but then another monkey wrench got thrown into the works when Social Security went and cut 1/3rd of my bennies in a misapplication of the reverse offset law.  I had to appeal that and get a hearing scheduled, which isn't until August 16th.  The new plan then was to make the move right after the hearing, but then this new problem cropped up with the Liver, and now I'm not sure I can make it to August 16th.  So we have now upped the timetable to moveout to as soon as Lucid Dreams can get his passport and fly up here to help me.  He needs the passport because we plan to drive back and to do that you have to go through Canada.  If it doesn't appear I can make it for another month, he'll fly up with a round trip ticket.



If I do make it as far as August 16th, then I'll fly back up here to make it to the hearing, which I'm not expecting to win, but will follow through with on principle.  Then if I stay alive even longer, I'll appeal that judgement to the Federal Circuit Court of Appeals.  I think my chances of surviving that long are quite slim though.



This decision and the Changes I am making also made an important goal of mine with the Doomstead Diner accomplished.  My Tag Line for the Diner has always been "Save As Many As You Can".  Not having $Billions$ in my Credit Union account and not having any Political Power limited me in my selection of means & methods to do that Saving to Blogging Collapse, to inform as many people as I could about what was coming down the pipe.  Not everyone agrees with all my analysis of course, but for the most part I have been proved correct about the event sequences if not the precise timeline for them.  I also am aware of at least 2 people who made life changes and took themselves off grid as the result of what they read on the Doomstead Diner.  However, to actually be able to physically and IRL Save anybody with the SUN☼ Project has remained just a dream until now because of…you guessed it…lack of money.  Winning my Workman's Compensation case gave me the money I need to get SUN☼ going, and to Save at least 4 people before I buy my Ticket to the Great Beyond, LD, GM & their two young boys.  I am giving LD the opportunity to follow his Bliss and get his Bamboo grove growing.  That's a Lifetime Accomplishment I can be proud of as I exit this meat package to cross the Great Divide.



It's quite weird to know you are going to die very soon.  After I got injured I started a thread inside the Diner on a members-only board called "RE is dying".  It became a running diary of all the trials and tribulations I have faced over the last 3 years.  It was said kind of tongue in cheek originally, because with the exception of right after leaving work I haven't felt in danger of imminent death.  That was mostly psychologically driven though.  Now it's very real and very physical.  I will be no more in this world, at least not in this meat package.  I look around my digs at all my STUFF, which besides my writing is my history of living on Earth.  I imagine dying with nobody here to collect it all and it just getting scattered to the wind.  Then the maintenance man will come in and clean the place out, they'll give it a new paint job and somebody else will move in.  For a while letters addressed to me will drop in the mailbox, but they'll peter out as well and there will be no memory that at one time I was shuffling around this place as an old cripple in his last days on earth.



The Diner may stay up a bit longer after I am gone, but not by very much I imagine.  My few close friends from the Diner will remember me longer which is the best legacy I leave, and with luck the SUN☼ Project will get off the ground and get a building up called the Doomstead Diner that will be there for some period of time.  Then that too will crumble to dust.



Even though it will all vanish though, written in eternity it will always be true that once there was an RE, once upon a time he walked the Earth and he was a Good Man.



http://paulgerald.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/walking-uphill.jpg


SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN

Offline jdwheeler42

  • Global Moderator
  • Sous Chef
  • *****
  • Posts: 3326
    • View Profile
    • Going Upslope
Re: When I'm Gone
« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2017, 05:04:14 AM »
   I also have a better clue now as to what is wrong with me, my Liver is pretty well shot.  All the years of drinking finally caught up with me.  It's amazing it lasted as long as it did.  If I want to live any longer at all I have change this behavior and stop, and so I did 2 days ago after returning home from the clinic.  I don't know whether it's in time to reverse the problems and live a while longer, but I'll give it a shot.  Livers do regenrate if there are still enough good liver cells left.  My mom had Liver Cancer and had a third of hers cut out and lived another 10 years.  I at least want to live long enough to get the <a href="http://sun4living.com" target="_blank"><strong>SUN☼ Project</strong>[/url] off the ground, which entails getting out of Alaska and down to South Carolina where the non-profit is chartered and where the other principal officers of the corporation live.  I have to try and stay alive at least for a couple of more months to get this done properly.
Milk thistle is supposed to be good for cleansing the liver.  I found it a bit too powerful.
Making pigs fly is easy... that is, of course, after you have built the catapult....

Offline GypsyMama

  • Global Moderator
  • Waitstaff
  • *****
  • Posts: 489
  • "Dream your happiest dream vividly awake."
    • View Profile
    • The Butterchurn
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2017, 10:12:47 AM »
I'm not going to accept this short mortality theory.  I recently learned how to make Beet Kvass.  I've been successful with it.  The beet is a taste that you definitely have to get used to.  It is very earthy, as you might expect from a root.  I make my beet kvass using red beet, ginger root, tumeric root and fresh jalapeno.  When we get you out here to SC... I'll keep your mini fridge stocked with kvass!!!  Kvass is a "A Deeply Cleansing Tonic"  It is great for cleansing the liver.  I find it worth paying attention to that I took a class to learn how to make this healing beverage using SUN funds!  I wanted to learn how to make fermented beverages so that I could host classes to teach others, as a fundraiser for SUN.

"Beet kvass carries with it all the benefits of beets, marrying them with the benefits of fermented foods for a deeply cleansing tonic.  Rich in betacyanins the pigments responsible for beets characteristic hue, beets possess strong antioxidant capacity with an ORAC value of 1,776 which may be why beets seem to help mitigate inflammatory states in the body which may contribute to cardiovascular disease, cancer and diabetes."
[/i]

"Folk medicine values beets and beet kvass for their liver cleansing properties and beet kvass is widely used in cancer therapy in Europe. Anecdotal reports indicate that beet kvass is an excellent therapy for chronic fatigue, chemical sensitivities, allergies and digestive problems.
[/i]

So there's my input for an attempt at a remedy to your fading health.  Maybe I'll throw in some essential oils too, just for laughs :)

Seriously though-- I really am having trouble processing this. We care about you, RE.  You ARE a good man.  You're unique, that's for sure! :)  And so are we.  Saving LD, myself, and our boys as your last Earthly act is tugging at my heart strings.  I don't know how to process it.  Just know that I'm in denial, and I'm thankful for you and what you plan to do to help both SUN and our family.  I promise that I will continue to do all I can... on the ground, politically, whatever it takes... to make SUN a success.

BIG HUGS!

GM

Offline RE

  • Administrator
  • Chief Cook & Bottlewasher
  • *****
  • Posts: 35958
    • View Profile
Re: When I'm Gone
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2017, 02:23:35 PM »
Milk thistle is supposed to be good for cleansing the liver.  I found it a bit too powerful.

I picked up the Milk Thistle and B-12.  Expensive stuff.  I'll let you know how it works.

I have seen a little improvement since going off the booze-o-hol, however I had a lot of kidney pain last night and couldn't sleep because of that.  I finally broke down and took a percocet, ibuprofen and tylenol and then was able to get some sleep.

RE
SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN

Offline RE

  • Administrator
  • Chief Cook & Bottlewasher
  • *****
  • Posts: 35958
    • View Profile
Re: The Grim Reaper Comes Knocking
« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2017, 02:30:37 PM »
I'm not going to accept this short mortality theory.  I recently learned how to make Beet Kvass.

"Beet kvass carries with it all the benefits of beets, marrying them with the benefits of fermented foods for a deeply cleansing tonic.  Rich in betacyanins the pigments responsible for beets characteristic hue, beets possess strong antioxidant capacity with an ORAC value of 1,776 which may be why beets seem to help mitigate inflammatory states in the body which may contribute to cardiovascular disease, cancer and diabetes."

"Folk medicine values beets and beet kvass for their liver cleansing properties and beet kvass is widely used in cancer therapy in Europe. Anecdotal reports indicate that beet kvass is an excellent therapy for chronic fatigue, chemical sensitivities, allergies and digestive problems.


I'm sure with Beet Kvass in combination with the Milk Thistle and B-12, by next year I'll be throwing Double Backs again.  :icon_sunny:


RE
SAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN