Doomstead Diner Menu => The Kitchen Sink => Topic started by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 02:26:56 PM

Title: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 02:26:56 PM
Recipes
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 02:29:16 PM
Trump Toast

Begin with the world's most expensive bread...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1145138/Take-look-worlds-expensive-bread-GOLD.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1145138/Take-look-worlds-expensive-bread-GOLD.html)

Then, chefs... How do you toast it correctly?
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: RE on March 03, 2017, 02:40:03 PM
Trump Toast

Begin with the world's most expensive bread...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1145138/Take-look-worlds-expensive-bread-GOLD.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1145138/Take-look-worlds-expensive-bread-GOLD.html)

Then, chefs... How do you toast it correctly?

This should probably be in the Diner Pantry, given it is a Cooking Theme, however I will leave it here in the Kitchen Sink for now.

Proper Toasting of this sort is like Toasting Marshmallows at the Campfire.  You don't want to get the Marshmallow so close to the fire it Ignites and gets all black and crusty, you want it to be just close enough so it takes a long time to roast before you eat it off the stick.  It should be all gooey and sliding down the stick in Marshmallow Agony before consumption.

WRONG!  Too Close!
(https://c.stocksy.com/a/OMG000/z0/62892.jpg)

RIGHT! Better Distance
(http://www.smore4u.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/RoastingMarshmallowsAtQuailBotanicalGardenby1.jpg)

RE
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 02:42:21 PM
You guessed right!

When toasting the world's most expensive bread, one must always use the world's most expensive toaster.

Dualit, is introducing a 24 Carat Gold toaster -- £1,000. 
-- http://www.dailystar.co.uk/tech/news/408281/Dualit-24-Carat-Gold-toaster-on-sales-Selfridges (http://www.dailystar.co.uk/tech/news/408281/Dualit-24-Carat-Gold-toaster-on-sales-Selfridges)

But to make the world's Greatest Toast, you need to toast it in what was once one of the world's most expensive houses -- a house so valuable that it had to be torn down!  (Really. Look it up.)
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/business/article135187364.html (http://www.miamiherald.com/news/business/article135187364.html)
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 02:58:58 PM
Quote
It’s a tale that’s now coming to a sad end: That $100 million mansion, once the most expensive home in America, has become its most expensive tear-down. Not a single trace of the compound remains, and soon even its address will disappear: The 6.3-acre estate on which it stood has been broken into three parcels, and one of them has already sold.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/business/article135187364.html#storylink=cpy (http://www.miamiherald.com/news/business/article135187364.html#storylink=cpy)

As you see, if you're going to be making Trump Toast, you need to be very place-conscious about where you're going to plug in your Most Expensive Toaster.

It will have to be on one of the three parcels of land divided up on the Most Expensive Tear-down real-estate ever.  If you're going to be making American toast great again, it's crucial that you are attentive to details.
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: Eddie on March 03, 2017, 03:05:26 PM
http://www.youtube.com/v/I_ZjOCMXwvM&fs=1
Best way to toast a large narcissist.
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 03:11:14 PM
To get this recipe Just Right, you'll be needing a good hammer for a ritualistic re-enactment of the Most Expensive Tear-down.  In this ritual Toast, there can be no short-cuts.

If you think this hammer is adequate, you'll need to think again.

http://www.youtube.com/v/eDVm9sgLFJY

The Toast we're making here is So much Greater than ordinary!  We need our hammer to smash a Most Expensive Diamond into gains of such fine dust that they can be dusted atop our Trump Toast without harm to the teeth or digestive systems of the diner (or Diner).

When our diamond (emerald, saphire...) comes under this hammer, both the hammer and the gem must be extraordinary to the ultimate extent. Ideally, we'd have a gem like this one.: 

http://www.youtube.com/v/oIGDifNv1cw

Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 03:24:00 PM
At $735.00 (American), this hammer is almost good enough for the job.  But c'mon! We can do better than that, right?

http://www.universalmedicalinc.com/titanium-ball-pein-hammer-450g.html?gclid=Cj0KEQiAxeTFBRCGmIq_7rGt_r8BEiQANdPqUnYiI8v7JmKdDVTGsvz5X-2JfjR0ce-7M3267qmh6RsaAsel8P8HAQ (http://www.universalmedicalinc.com/titanium-ball-pein-hammer-450g.html?gclid=Cj0KEQiAxeTFBRCGmIq_7rGt_r8BEiQANdPqUnYiI8v7JmKdDVTGsvz5X-2JfjR0ce-7M3267qmh6RsaAsel8P8HAQ)
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 03:29:15 PM
http://www.youtube.com/v/I_ZjOCMXwvM&fs=1
Best way to toast a large narcissist.


Oh, no!  That's not even close!  That's a total trailer trash approach to toast!
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 03:31:25 PM
What shall we slather upon our toast, once it'd good and expensively toasted?
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: RE on March 03, 2017, 03:35:10 PM
What shall we slather upon our toast, once it'd good and expensively toasted?

The Rendered Fat of Pigmen.

RE
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 03:38:34 PM
Okay, we'll get to gourmet slathering later.

This hammer is tooooo soft.   Pentagon’s $435 hammer -- We can do much better than that!
https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/post/the-pentagons-435-hammer/2011/05/19/AGoGKHMH_blog.html?utm_term=.e2ce9b203504 (https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/post/the-pentagons-435-hammer/2011/05/19/AGoGKHMH_blog.html?utm_term=.e2ce9b203504)


Help me find an appropriate hammer, please!
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: RE on March 03, 2017, 03:54:44 PM
Help me find an appropriate hammer, please!

(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/q8rtBUt8dRI/maxresdefault.jpg)

RE
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 03:54:54 PM
As we search for an Appropriate Hammer, let us take a little tour of Great Toast....


'Virgin Mary' toast fetches $28,000
A piece of cheese on toast purportedly showing the Virgin Mary
The toast is not intended for consumption
A decade-old toasted cheese sandwich said to bear an image of the Virgin Mary has sold on the eBay auction website for $28,000.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4034787.stm (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4034787.stm)

That's for old and stale toast!  We Can Do Better than that.

Justin T's Toast was nothing special by comparison, at a mere $1,025.


Quote
"Our most burning question yet! Who the heck would pay $1,025 for two slices of singed French Toast? That’d be ‘N Sync fan Kathy Summers, 19. The bread in question was left behind on March 9 by Justin Timberlake when he finished a breakfast interview at the studio of New York-area radio station Z-100. Its DJ put the toast on eBay, where Summers won a heated bidding war. ”I’ll probably freeze-dry it, then seal it…then put it on my dresser,” says the Madison, Wis.-based student. Meanwhile, the chef wants to know why Timberlake neglected the morning confection: ”He didn’t like them?” Timberlake is mum, but Summers says the slices ”look a little bit on the burnt side.”

http://ew.com/article/2000/03/24/justin-timberlakes-french-toast-sold-ebay/ (http://ew.com/article/2000/03/24/justin-timberlakes-french-toast-sold-ebay/)

 
More on expensive toast later.   What we'll be needing very soon is an expensive toast rack to put our expensive toast upon, right?

Quote
You know what they say about breakfast being the most important meal of the day? Then there is that evergreen quote, “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.” But breakfasting like a king requires special items, like the most expensive toast rack in the world. This beautiful breakfast accessory comes with a price tag of £1,000 – about $1,597. Even if you had that kind of money to spare, would you be willing to spend it on, of all things, a toast rack? Then again, if you want to dine like royalty, that is a small price to pay.


http://most-expensive.com/toast-rack (http://most-expensive.com/toast-rack)
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 04:00:20 PM
damn!  nothing! 

http://most-expensive.com/hammer (http://most-expensive.com/hammer)

I need a hammer!

Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 04:21:53 PM
Hammers can be used to bulid things up or to tear things down.  As we contemplate the appropriate way to make Trump Toast, we might want to look into Trump's habit of tearing things down even as he claims to be about building things up (?).

Here's something trump wasted no time in tearing down.

TRUMP DECIDES TO TEAR DOWN THE PLAYSET OBAMA BUILT FOR KIDS AT THE WHITE HOUSE
http://www.ifyouonlynews.com/news/trump-decides-to-tear-down-the-playset-obama-built-for-kids-at-the-white-house/ (http://www.ifyouonlynews.com/news/trump-decides-to-tear-down-the-playset-obama-built-for-kids-at-the-white-house/)

Interesting, no?

What does this remind you of?

Does it remind you of another tear down on the White House grounds, such as this one?

You guessed it, it involved Ronny Ray Gun!

"Ronald Reagan helped tear down the Berlin Wall, and he also helped tear down the White House’s solar panels."

Presidents like to build things up.   And presidents like to tear things down. That's just how they roll.  The're Great Men, after all!

http://www.yaleclimateconnections.org/2008/11/jimmy-carters-solar-panels/ (http://www.yaleclimateconnections.org/2008/11/jimmy-carters-solar-panels/)


"Tear down that wall!" says one president.   "Let's build a wall!" says another.

http://www.yaleclimateconnections.org/2008/11/jimmy-carters-solar-panels/ (http://www.yaleclimateconnections.org/2008/11/jimmy-carters-solar-panels/)


If you're gonna make expensive toast, you gotta do it atop a Great Wall!
Title: Any Time Now Toast
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 04:33:03 PM
Any Time Now Toast
Any Time Now Toast
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 04:44:06 PM
Just so you know where we're eventually going with all this.... Toast is but the beginning.  Once we have made really quite excellent Trump Toast, we plop it into the Very Expensive Blender to make the most excellent -- even Yuge -- Trump Smoothie.  Yes, you guessed it, this involves Very Expensive Champagne.  We'll get to these details in due time. 

Some of the process is explained, though only very roughly, in this music video with very dramatic music indeed.

http://www.youtube.com/v/HKEPL92s12g

Title: No smoothie for you. Come back in one year!
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 04:57:08 PM
 ... and what does the ingrate say when we finally serve him up his Very Expensive Super Yummy-Yuge Smoothie?

http://www.youtube.com/v/75SEy1qu71I

He thinks he's the one that will be doing the firing, right?  Poor Humpty Dumpty.  All of the King's horses and men cannot help him now.  He's in a moderately priced rubber room telling the walls about it.  Bread and water.  "No toast for you!"

"You're pushing your luck, little hands."

http://www.youtube.com/v/svSGKJFSl-8
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 05:10:11 PM
Trump Toast

Begin with the world's most expensive bread...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1145138/Take-look-worlds-expensive-bread-GOLD.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1145138/Take-look-worlds-expensive-bread-GOLD.html)

Then, chefs... How do you toast it correctly?

This should probably be in the Diner Pantry, given it is a Cooking Theme, however I will leave it here in the Kitchen Sink for now.

You're right!  A gourmet thread like this needs a gourmet sub-forum!  Let's put it in the cook book section!
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 05:32:50 PM
The Mar-a-lago Club Sandwitch

The Mar a lago Club Sandwich
The Mar a lago Club Sandwich

Gather together a bundle of 2x2x2" cubes of well-laundered Russian cheese, baloney and other assorted Russian mystery meats.

Sprinkle these with American diamond dust, gold leaf, mayo and a drizzle of Only The Very Best mustard.

Smoosh these between slices of Oligarch Brand Russian Bread which has been thoroughly laundered and then hung out to dry.

Be sure to stack this sandwich so high that only a very Big Mouth, after a day of Big Lies, could get a good Yuge bite of it.

 


Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: Farmer McGregor on March 03, 2017, 06:17:01 PM
The Mar-a-lago Club Sandwitch

The Mar a lago Club Sandwich
The Mar a lago Club Sandwich

Gather together a bundle of 2x2x2" cubes of well-laundered Russian cheese, baloney and other assorted Russian mystery meats.

Sprinkle these with American diamond dust, gold leaf, mayo and a drizzle of Only The Very Best mustard.

Smoosh these between slices of Oligarch Brand Russian Bread which has been thoroughly laundered and then hung out to try.

Be sure to stack this sandwich so high that only a very Big Mouth, after a day of Big Lies, could get a good Yuge bite of it.
JRM, you're on a roll!   This thread is hysterical!
I haven't laughed so much in quite a while.
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 06:40:36 PM
Maybe I can get hired as a comedy writer for SNL?

Nahhh!  Then I'd have to be funny for money, and the world has too much funny money as it is.



My friend made this image of Kellyanne Conway.

I thought you might enjoy it.

Kellyanne Conway
Kellyanne Conway
Title: Re: Recipes
Post by: JRM on March 03, 2017, 07:09:56 PM
I think I've found my way to be involved in this forum.  I'll just be a clown!  By not taking any of you very seriously I can not take myself at all seriously.  And vice versa.

Tequila may be necessary on some days. On other days a beer will do.