…(I have also been told, no one is getting the Briton joke. See nonsensical statement comment. If you want to tell one really good joke, you have to be willing to tell 10 bad ones. I’m leaving it as is)

With your host, Category5.


I am soon going to be working on a very serious article that will be my most challenging yet. I am feeling mildly overwhelmed by this but impossible tasks is what I do. You may or may not hear from me for a few months as I pull this off.

In the face of that… I needed a little levity.

I had a face palm moment yesterday. I saw an article about someone selling “Make Canada Great Again” hats. Didn’t read it. There is only so much  enraging stupid human tricks I am willing to put into my brain. But it immediately brought my mind to…

C5 Rule Of Survival- Always keep in mind that half the people you have to deal with are below average IQ.

The title, Make Canada Great Briton Again (or America for that matter) is, of course, a nonsensical statement. That masted ship has sailed. The British Empire came to a close with the loss of India as its bread basket, and on the whole, the English are generally happy that this failed experiment of world domination is over, just like the less stuffy of Canadians are rather happy that pot prohibition has ended and they no longer have to fear being anally raped in prison as a government and police standard policy of control and punishment. I believe that is referred to as a war crime. Just saying.

“Make America Great Again” is just as nonsensical, so I guess it is time to re discuss EROEI or Energy Return On Energy Investment for new readers. Or more importantly, the declining rate of Energy Return On Energy Investment. EVERY part of western decline is tied to that. EVERY PART.

When I think of  nonsensical statements by empire building enthusiasts, George Bush comes to mind with “The American way of life is non negotiable” statement.

I thought, WOW! Now that there is some delusional wishful thinking. Its sort of like saying “Two cars and a unicorn in every pot is a Right imbued by the creator… and we will kill any traitor that says otherwise.” I suppose it helps for keeping the unwashed masses in check and it is helpful for thinning out the excess males. See the C5 Rule about half the people you meet.

(another time the Simpsons predicted the future… about another Viet Nam)

Of course, Math and Physics didn’t get the memo. God must have forgot to send it. I’m sure she is busy.

Decline was baked into the cake. People facing their shattered and desperate lives may want to return to Leave It To Beaver times or even Strong Males in red viking helmets that say “Make America Rapey Again” , but no political tweeking by either the Right or the Left can get us there because that experience was based on a One Time In The Lifetime Of A Planet, resource consumption event.

Time for DJ-C5 To put on his cowboy boots for a song.

I’m surprised I haven’t used that one before but it’s probably because I disagree that oil will suddenly stop and I disagree with his survival methods. Then again, someone may point out that I have already gone to ground on the Dark Green Mountain. I am of the “Collapse Now and Avoid The Rush” mindset. Also, a moment can arrive when the oil stops because the industry throws in the towel, having bankrupted themselves, like its present trajectory with shale.

What got me noticed in the doomerspere was my first article, here at DGM-SRC, with a quick mention of EROEI. Many had never had this explained before though there is nothing new about it.

I wrote,

“The Energy Return On Energy Investment ( EROEI ) of oil, the lifeblood of our society is sitting at around 5 to 1 for unconventional oil. We should just start calling this stuff, things that vaguely resemble oil that are pretty much corrosive sludge that you have to sell to another country because no one that actually paid attention in auto shop class would want to put it in their personal vehicle.”

“EROEI of 5 to 1 or there abouts. That means it took the energy of one barrel of oil to get 5 barrels. Just so everyone gets the predicament we are in, back in the heyday when we built our own Mamon backed auto-Molock industrial society with all the accoutrements of highways, bridges, dams, social institutions and milk delivered to the door, the EROEI was theoretically somewhere around 100 to 1. The road ahead was bright. The Star Trek future awaited. Now let’s flash forward a bit shall we. The minimum to keep an industrial society powered is somewhere around the theoretical 30 to 1 mark and you can cancel all those tractor pulls. Not to mention maintaining, repairing and replacing all that infrastructure a few times a lifetime while birthing in the next generation to keep the monster running. Something vaguely resembling the the milk that used to be delivered to the door now comes in Tetra Packs, shipped in from from hundreds of miles away. Yuck!”

“What a stupid fucking system. What absolute fucking moron would think this is a good idea and be emotionally invested in keeping the idea going?”

“For those of you whose eyes are widening a bit and your mouth is beginning to make that circular O or ‘Oh’ or ´Ohhhhhhh!´ shape, congratulations. You are finally getting with the program. The failing dams, falling bridges, potholed highways, undrinkable civic water and crumbling social cohesion, program. For just about the full length of my lifetime the Western world has only continued to grow by accounting fraud. It was subtle at first. It’s less than subtle now. Now the pitchforky populi are rather miffed at the diminishing returns of their lives and they voted for the exact guy I figured they would. They always vote for a guy like that in times like these.”

“Well, Caesar can’t save you now.”

That there was a pretty darned good rant so it was worth using again, now that I have a larger and more divers readership. Plus it saves me some time re writing it all. I only like you folks so much and it is not like I owe you anything, or not have anything better to do.

But I always meant to give a bit more on EROEI. The first thing to point out is that we will never run out of oil or oilish substances. There is enough oil to cook the planet. What there is not though, is the high EROEI oil that we used to be able to get by sticking a straw in the ground. The stuff that “Made America Temporarily Great”  No body would be turning Alberta into Mordor or poisoning productive farmland and aquifers and people if this wasn’t the case. They are scraping the bottom of the barrel and calling it ice-cream. The next “Miracle” they will sell to gullible investors desperate for yield, any yield, will be burning the barrel. I believe that has started. Coal flavored ice-cream anyone.? Anyone? It’s what you need on a record hot day. Come to the Dark Side. We have Ice-cream.

I believe the declining EROEI  narrative goes back to Buckminster Fuller but don’t quote me on that. But most will think of Charles Hall. Many have challenged Halls science with good reason. But to discount the concept, you do at your own peril. One of the things his presenters brought forward was “The Red Queen” principal. Lines from Alice in Wonderland. See the picture at the top of the page. If my memory serves me correctly…

The Red Queen says to Alice, “To stay in one place, you must run as fast as you can. If you want to get anywhere, you must run twice as fast. If you run too fast, You die”.

If that statement resonates with you as it does with me, it’s because this is where we are in this story. This is where we are in collapse. You have followed me down the Rabbit Hole.

The next thing you will notice is those numbers are quite different than what fracking enthusiasts will quote. Energy Return on Investment, something completely different, is measured differently. That is the money infused from when the fracking crew arrives to what hits the top of the wellhead.

The EROEI numbers include all the steps along the way, From Exploration to Extraction, Road and Pipeline infrastructure, Oil processing mega structures, and the trucks and roads to get it to its Distribution end, The gas stations. None of the social infrastructure costs are added into that but probably should be. Either way, what is left over, is the energy profit that makes our society run. That excess energy return is the EVERYTHING. The Economy? Excess energy return. Products? Excess Energy Return. Stock Market? You got it… well, not quite. Most of that is fictitious money, dept, ponsie schemes and fraud. Different subject.

Speaking of which, This your bonus read of the week. With good concience I have to sound the ALARM. Red Alert! Wooooo Woooooo! Ding Ding! Danger, Will Robinson! Amerika being Great Again!  What can possibly go wrong? https://www.businessinsider.com.au/leveraged-loans-cov-lite-central-banks-2018-10   To be read and not bypassed unless you are comfortable with being homeless.

But the most important issue is… envelope please…. FOOD. Everything you are eating from the grocery store is basically OIL. You are eating oil calories. It doesn’t naturally, magically, pop out of the ground to be collected by happy farmer elves. Oil is involved in every step with Absolutely no way to back out of that faustian bargain that doesn’t involve large swaths of the earths population starving to death in the dark. And that is one of many reasons I am the life of any party… or at least part of the reason I drink so much.

If I were to wear an unstylish slogan hat meant to intimidate and pick a fight , It would be “Make Food First Again” or “Make Superstorm Bunkers Great Again” or maybe a red hat that says, “I’m Not Getting Laid Again”. Hum. I see swag coming to DGM.

Some lefty friends burst out laughing when I said, “Make Red hats Communist Again”. FYI, no promoter of that either.

Well. Enough educational commentary. No C5 article is complete without Adaptive survival advice. This time of year, our dining room table has a tendency to accumulate. Things. Edible things. On their way to any space we can fit them into. This was one of those moments in the ebb and flow.

a table

If you only grow one thing… it should probably be those Butternut Squashes in the back. That there is only from 2 plants. We grew light this year since we were busy with other things. It grows in most climates. Properly hardened, we have had some last as long as a year as the next batch was coming in. Its a bit sweet and not too dry, so it is not too psychologically hard to adjust your taste buds to as you are transitioning from one food source to another. One of the things we like to do with it is cube it up with a roasting chicken. It absorbs some of the oils making it more flavorful. The seeds are fry panned up at the same time for a protein and fiber filled, salty snack.

How it finds itself on the table, is that we thought a hard freeze might happen, so we moved it out of the greenhouse. The reason they were in the greenhouse is because that is where I take them from the feild so they have as long as possible for the outer skin to harden. They are still alive and growing. Not in size, but they are healing up any nicks or cuts or soft spots on their skin, where bacteria might enter, causing it to rot. If you don’t have a greenhouse, this can be done on a window sill. Getting it in the greenhouse early is a defense from damaging surprise frosts.

Next thing on the table is the Zucchinis. For those that have not seen one, outside of the store, this is what they grow up to be. I don’t see the point of the little ones. I once offered some to a neighbor. He declined and said, that is just pig food. That is a statement you should contemplate. We can get these to store for about half way through the winter after sun hardening. Growing up, this was a holiday meal addition. It is cut in half, with the seeds scooped out and baked. Butter and brown sugar is added and continued to bake. No one seems to have heard of this. My guess is that it is a poor french canadian invention and that makes sense… and why you should pay attention. Farmgal also put out this recipe for Mock Pineapple. We are going to try this.

Zucchini Fruit

Last to mention is the tray of beans on the table. As I sat down in front of some Netfluff and started this job, I chuckled and called it “Survival Training”. This is what REAL survivalist Manly Men buck up and face up to. Not jacking off to gun porn. The reason it is “Survival Training” is because it is about Adjusting Expectations.

C5 Rule of Survival- If all else fails, lower your expectations.

I was shocked to the core the first time I did a job like this. Now it is an old friend. I could have just bought those beans for 10 bucks. First time I did something like this, MrsC5 scolded, “Now that is not a very good use of your prepping time, is it?” I flashed her my best Han Solo smirk and replied, “This is survival training. It’s not just a job for ‘Brown’ people Any More. Get used to it, Princess”.

And BING! C5s culturally inappropriate comment  of the day… but damned fine survival advice you will all remember. Just try washing that one out of your ears.

How did we get here? Earlier in the year MrsC5 said, “Beans are your job”. No biggy. She plants. I harvest. While walking back and forth doing other jobs, I would observe. When beans dried. I’d pluck them off and stuff my pockets and dump them in a pot for fall work. Ones that were getting there would go onto a drying rack in the greenhouse. As the year progressed, it was TRIAGE time. Any of them touching the ground would just rot before they could dry. This fall I was proactive. I ripped the entire plants out of the ground, bundled them with sting and hung them in the greenhouse to finish before frost or fall rains would rot them. That is skipping over the whole green bean phase. MrsC5 cans up some wicked, hot pickled beans.

And all three of these on the table are pretty self explanatory in getting seeds to go seed to seed. I don’t need to buy them again unless I want to.

Why would I do this? I find this strangely empowering and mildly arousing.

Fuck you, big box grocery store and oil industry. Fuck you banking cartel and chemical industry. Fuck you, you fucking fucks.

That feels damned good to say.

Sooooo…… Lets sum up

The Red Queen… is in the oval office. The pitchforky populi are running as fast as they can to stay in the same place. HeShe is commanding, “Make America Great Briton Again” and demanding everyone run faster to get there… until they and the earth die. And Her followers are just itching for the “Off with their heads” command. The Black Queen/ White Queen seems just as loopy and head choppy.

So, How do we get off this treadmill of running as fast as we can until we die.

It seems to me that the answer is to stop running and live with the consequence. If you cant stop, slow down and see what happens.

“Oh, No guys. I’m fine. Don’t stop running. I’ll catch up latter… Have fun. Say high to the finish line…….Bye……………………….. Douche Canoes. ”


And with that, DJ_C5 leaves you with two competing pieces of music. Chose wisely.


And now I want to do a REALLY Big shout out to the folks over at  PERMIES!  https://permies.com/ Seriously. Go poke around there.

A specific shout out to Master Stuart, Nicole Alderman who did me really well, promoting The Windapult. https://darkgreenmountainsurvivalresearchcentre.wordpress.com/2018/10/07/c5-builds-a-category-5-hurricane-resistant-wind-tower-the-windapult/

It brought thousands of viewers and hundreds to Dark Green Mountain.

I think We found a kindred spirit there an we will have her soon for an interview.

A shout out as well over to RE at The Doomstead Diner who got it up right away. http://www.doomsteaddiner.net/blog/

Make sure you check out NearingsFault’s Charcoal Tractor.  http://www.doomsteaddiner.net/blog/2018/10/17/machinery-for-a-post-collapse-world-charcoal-tractor/

YouTube, on the other hand, seems to be fucking me over. I think some algorithm or employee is trying to bury me. Over several days, I watched the view count actually go down, over and over. Just saying.

If you would like to give a Tip for writing services rendered or to support the cause, go to the top of the page and hit, “Giving just the Tip”.  All “Tips” go towards material costs for future experiments.

(Thanks AT and JD for the donation)